Progress Update – as of December 26, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.9 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.4
Loss: 0.2

Last weigh-in of 2015, wahoo! Here’s to a great 2016!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, I certainly did! I’m honestly very surprised that I lost anything this past week, given all of the mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, chocolate, sparkling apple juice (so good!) and pavlova (a traditional New Zealand meringue dish, served with whip cream and fruit) that I consumed. Not going to lie, I did not eat very well at all. I’m assuming it’s water weight, because I didn’t exercise at all either. Ah well, down is better than up!

It’s the time to make New Year’s Resolutions once again. I always make a million of these, but I rarely stick to them. I think my problem is that I try to start them all at the same time – less sugar, more water, daily exercise, more sleep, more green tea, daily yoga – and I overwhelm myself. So this year, instead, I’m going to try to do one new thing a week. Week 1, maybe I’ll try to get in 150 minutes of exercise over the course of the week. Week 2, maybe I’ll drink more water. And so forth!

I’m planning to list these weekly goals on each of my posts, so I can keep myself accountable and can update you all on my progress!

Cheers, Happy New Year!

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Progress Update – as of December 19, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 310.1 lbs
Gain: 8.9 lbs
Current BMI: 48.6
Gain: 1.4

So, I’m up again. And I haven’t updated in ages! I’m not surprised, I’ve been so incredibly busy the last few weeks it seems like I haven’t had a moment to breathe.

I’ve also been absolutely exhausted. I try to go to bed early, but it always seems like there are things going on so that I don’t get into bed until after midnight, then I’m so exhausted the next day that I’ve been falling asleep after work. It’s not good. I don’t think that I’m diabetic, as had been suggested to me, but I do think that I need to go to bed earlier and that I need to exercise. I also kind of wonder if I have sleep apnea, I know it’s very common if you’re overweight – particularly if you have excess belly fat, as I do – but I do not want to have to invest in one of those huge machines, so I’m hoping that with regular exercise and weight loss, the fatigue will disappear.

For the past couple of months, I have been attempting to follow the Weight Watchers PointsPlus program. I like the program in general, my issues with it have been with the way they deal with fat and carbs. Recently, as some of you may know, they overhauled the entire program, it’s now called SmartPoints and they’ve changed the way they calculate food, focusing for the first time on saturated vs. unsaturated fat and carbs vs. sugar. Personally, I am thrilled, I think they’re really encouraging people to make healthy choices, not just things that are low in points, which sometimes weren’t the healthiest. A cup of chocolate milk, for example, used to be as many points as a can of Coca-Cola, because they both had so much sugar. Now, the Coke is more, as it should be, because it has zero nutritional value. I have signed up for this program, so we shall see how that goes.

Hope all of your Christmas plans are coming along nicely! I feel like December has just flown by, I am not even close to being ready for Christmas!

Time’s Fun When You’re Having Flies

Happy Birthday to PFG, happy birthday to PFG, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to PFG!

WordPress has kindly informed me that today marks two years since I started my blog. That’s both good and bad. Good because I’m still keeping up with it, it isn’t collecting dust like so many other projects in my life. Bad because, even though I’ve been doing this sort of regularly for two years, I haven’t made any actual progress.

Hands up, who here is an emotional eater? Me me me me me.

I love food. Who doesn’t? But food, to me, has always been more than just nourishment, more than just something yummy. It’s been a friend. A comfort. A soothing ointment for my wounds. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain of their lives, to fill the holes, to make them forget their misery; I used food. It’s easy to get, much easier for a young bullied kid to get than alcohol or drugs. It’s not suspicious. It’s not illegal. It’s much cheaper. And it’s everywhere, we are bombarded with it.

After he stops drinking, an alcoholic never has to go into a liquor store again. A ex-smoker doesn’t have to see cigarettes. A recovering drug addict can’t walk into a convenience store and buy cocaine or heroin or methamphetamines. But my drug is everywhere.

I can’t watch television without seeing advertisements for it. I can’t drive through town without seeing flashing signs trying to lure me. I can’t buy groceries without being bombarded with cookies, chips, ice cream and every sort of junk food imaginable. I’ve heard lots of people say “Just put down the fork” or equally rude things, but what they don’t understand is that food is something you can never escape from. I believe, wholeheartedly, that food addiction is a real addiction. Recovering addicts never have to smoke or drink or do drugs again. But I have to eat to stay alive, I have to go to grocery stores. I can never get away.

I ate a lot as an unhappy teenager because food never judged. It was always there, it made me happy and never betrayed me or made me feel embarrassed. I have found myself craving very bad things lately, trying to deal with depression and anxiety and I haven’t been eating as well as I should have. But I’m trying, that’s what matters.

Progress Update – as of November 29, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 301.2 lbs
Loss: 7.0 lbs
Current BMI: 47.2
Loss: 1.1

So, we’re down again! However, this wasn’t really my doing. I got very, very sick this week (tonsillitis!) and I didn’t eat anything but chicken noodle soup for almost 5 days. So, while it’s nice to see the loss, I know that it’s mostly just water.

Obviously, I didn’t work out while I was ill, but now that I am (mostly) better I am hoping to rectify that very soon, because I just moved again and there is an excellent recreation centre very close to my house with very reasonable monthly rates.

While my anxiety and depression is still bothering me, I have made a decision to move out of my apartment and back home with my family. I think that I’ll be able to deal with my struggles in a better way, because when I’m home I’m happy.

It makes me feel like a bit of a loser though, if I’m being honest. I only know a couple of people my age who still live with their parents. I know that it’s really not a big deal, I’m only 26 and it’s not like my mom makes my lunch and does my laundry or whatever, but it still makes me feel like I’m failing as an adult, in a way. BUT, I went to my therapy appointment last week and she tried to help me realize that just because it’s uncommon in North American culture, it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. It works for me and my family, so it doesn’t matter that it’s a bit unconventional. My parents have an enormous house (we live in the country) so it’s not like we’re all on top of each other, and they trust me enough to let me do my own thing. I have my own money and my own car, so if I come home at 2:00 am it’s not like they’re texting me all night, demanding that I come home. I have security and freedom.

I’m also planning to go back to school in September 2016. Tuition is very expensive these days, and not having to pay rent takes a load off. I do still pay for groceries and utilities and car insurance and all of that, of course, but not paying rent saves me a few hundred dollars a month.

I am trying not to feel stupid or embarrassed about it. I’m struggling with mental illness right now and having the safety of my family is going to help me. I just wish that people didn’t stigmatize it so much, I’m afraid of what my friends will think.

Anyway, cheers, stay well!