Progress Update – as of January 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.2 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.3
Loss: 0.2

So, we’re down again, hurray! It isn’t really anything to do with me though. I didn’t exercise this week, I was too depressed. I know that exercise is actually one of the best things that you can do for depression, but it’s hard to remember that when you’re lying in bed wishing you could just disappear.

I got a lot of sleep, I guess that’s something. But it’s mostly because, as soon as I got home from work every day, I went to bed. I honestly didn’t feel like doing anything else. I don’t think it was healthy, necessarily, but it’s what I needed this week and I figured I would give myself a few days.

Otherwise, I didn’t really take care of myself. I hardly ate because food made me nauseated and I didn’t exercise or drink enough water and as soon as I got home I was in my pajamas.

I am trying very hard. Unfortunately, though, mental illness is a really difficult thing to handle and sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to do nothing. I don’t think it’s healthy to do that all the time, I think that it’s important to go through the motions until they have meaning again, but for a few days it’s okay to just let yourself do what you need to do. I was able to get up and get dressed and go to work, which I think was a pretty amazing accomplishment, considering how terrible I felt, so at least that’s something.

I’m slowly getting over my heartbreak. It doesn’t physically hurt so much, but it will take a long time to actually get over it. I am proud of myself though, I did not fall back into my terrible emotional eating habits, I really did try to make good choices, despite feeling so crappy. (Well, that is to say I made good choices when I actually ate, which wasn’t all the time.) I’m hoping that getting into an exercise routine will help even more.

Cheers, happy losing!

 

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Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!

A Heavy Heart

I haven’t updated yet this week, as you probably noticed. I will tomorrow, I promise.

This week has been weird. It was my birthday on Thursday and I had an incredible, amazing day full of love from coworkers, friends and family alike. But, at the same time, I was so nervous because I decided that on Sunday, the 17th, that I would tell the man that I am in love with that I have feelings for him.

That was today. It didn’t go so well.

I have known him for six months. We clicked instantly on the day that we met and started hanging out and talking (almost daily). I told ALL of my friends about him, how much I liked him, how much we have in common and then today, I told him that I have feelings for him.

His response? That I’m a great friend, but he isn’t “looking for anything”. Ouch. He was nice about it and everything, and I’m not going to stop being his friend, but MAN, it hurt. It still does. And I’m sure it will for a long time. So I’m allowing myself to be depressed and to cry and to wallow because I think I need it for right now. So forgive me if I’m not as prompt as normal with my entries.

Progress Update – as of January 9, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 304.2 lbs
Loss: 1.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.6
Loss: 0.3

Wahoo, another loss! I’m a little surprised, since obviously my ability to exercise has been compromised, but hey, I will take it! I have been trying hard to make good choices about eating and to get lots of sleep and drink more water, which is perhaps what made the difference.

My ankle has been sore, obviously, but it’s feeling a lot better these past few days, since I’ve been resting it. I am hoping to get into an exercise routine this week, perhaps swimming, so we will see how that goes.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: So, I obviously didn’t follow through on this, due to the unforeseen circumstances, but this week hopefully I can! 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning

Cheers, happy losing!

Bad News and a Challenge

So, yesterday, something very unfortunate happened: I broke my ankle.

It’s not a bad break, it’s just a tiny little fracture, so I don’t require a big cast or surgery or anything like that, but it’s still enough to derail me a little bit. I have been instructed to wear a brace 24/7 and to stay off it as much as possible.

The first thing I thought when I found out was “oh crap, how am I going to work out?” but after thinking about it, there is still stuff that I can do. I am not able to do the treadmill, the elliptical or any kind of weight-bearing activity, really, BUT I can still do core and upper-body exercises and lower-body exercises like leg lifts, glute bridges and maybe lunges if I am very careful. As for cardio – swimming! I will have to be careful not to do any vigorous kicking or anything like that, and of course if it really starts to hurt I will ease off, but it’s a great full-body workout that I can do without putting any weight on my ankle.

I am hoping it heals quickly and heals well, but I will not let this be an excuse!

Cheers!

That PFG gets IG

So, as a follow-up to my last post, I DID make myself a ThatPrettyFatGirl instagram!

I will be posting photos of my progress (yay motivation!) along with inspiring photos and quotes. I am trying very hard to embrace and love myself as I am, and I have found that seeing so many body-positive people on Instagram, of all shapes and sizes, has helped me to love my body a little bit more. I’m still not totally happy with it by any stretch, BUT I have learned to appreciate the good and beautiful things, instead of just focusing on the cellulite or the stretchmarks.

Some days, at least. Other days it’s harder. But I’m getting there.

I haven’t posted anything yet, but I will right away, so do go ahead and find me! My handle is that.prettyfatgirl.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 2, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 305.9
Loss: 3.0 lbs
Current BMI: 47.9
Loss: 0.5
Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 56 inches
Hips: 56 inches

Well, what a great start to the new year! To be honest, I am a bit surprised that I lost so much, I wasn’t that great about exercising or eating but HEY, I will take it!

I’ve been feeling pretty good these last few days. My mood has been all over the place for the last few months, but recently I’ve become interested in the Body Positive movement. If you haven’t ever heard of that, it’s basically the idea that you should love yourself, no matter what you look like or where you are in your journey, and that your weight shouldn’t control your life. Some people think that the movement “glorifies obesity”, but I don’t think so. It’s ridiculous to pretend that being overweight automatically makes someone incredibly unhealthy or means they can’t be fit, and overweight people should not be made to feel ashamed of themselves. I think that’s something that’s taken me a long time to realize, that just because I am overweight doesn’t mean that I have to hate myself or that I don’t deserve happiness or self-acceptance. 

It seems ridiculously simple, but it’s not. We are conditioned to believe that fat is bad and that being overweight somehow makes us bad people and that we should be ashamed of being fat. But I’m tired of being ashamed. Have I made some bad choices that have led me down that path? Of course. Is the lifestyle that I lead healthy? Not really, I don’t get enough exercise or sleep or eat enough good food. Do I want to lose weight? Yes. But why should I be made to feel that I don’t deserve to live a full and happy life because I don’t (currently) fit what society has deemed attractive? My health is my business and, aside from being physically unfit, I am in perfect health: my blood pressure and cholesterol are perfect, my eyesight is excellent, my bones are in good shape, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs etc. Not all skinny people can say that.

So, this year, I am trying to love myself. I used to have an “ideal” weight that I wanted to achieve, but now I don’t have a specific number in mind, I just want to feel good. The body positive movement shows beautiful and amazing people of all shapes and sizes and it made me realize that I do not have to match a number on the scale to feel good about myself. I do want to become fitter, which I know will result in weight loss, but I no longer feel that I need to be skinny or fit into a certain size dress to be beautiful and awesome and wonderful. There are so many incredibly stunning and amazingly talented people who are not super skinny and I am so happy to finally realize this. I have a personal instagram, but I’m also considering making a PrettyFatGirl instagram account where I can post photos of my progress as well as photos/quotes etc. that I find inspiring. Stay tuned!

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week

Cheers, happy losing!