Progress Update – as of March 26, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.3 lbs
Loss: 0.5 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Loss: 0

So, down again! Once again, this likely wasn’t because of me. I did try to eat well, but I didn’t exercise, I just found that I was so incredibly tired this week, I was still recovering from my crazy hectic few weeks.

But it’s all good! I’ve made myself a schedule where I actually have an allotted time for exercise, instead of “I’ll do it later”, because usually when I saw that, “later” never comes. I want to start swimming. I got into a decent habit of swimming rather frequently a little over a year ago, but then I got my current job and my schedule changed a lot. I love swimming, it works your whole body but it doesn’t feel like work at all, to me it’s just a lot of fun. So hopefully I can get myself into a good pattern. We shall see!

I don’t have much else to say, life has been a bit of a whirlwind as of late, so we shall update in April.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 19, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Gain: 0.2

Up again! Goodness, I am on quite the roller coaster here. I’m not surprised though, this past week I was working on a theatre show that opened on Thursday, so I was at the theatre basically every single day for hours. I did try to plan my meals and to take snacks and such with me, but I was so tired every evening that this did not always happen.

I have also been sick for two weeks with a terrible chest cold. Because I have been busy I haven’t been getting adequate rest, which is likely why I’ve been unable to get rid of it. And I haven’t been exercising, mostly because of how busy and tired I have been, and because I’ve been coughing so much.

But I’m done! The show is done, months and months of prep and stress is over. Now, I want to focus on myself. On getting to a good place, physically and mentally, instead of worrying about everyone else all the time or expending my energy on other people.

Here’s to a good week! Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.1 lbs
Loss: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.4

Yay, we’re down again! Truthfully, I think this is likely because I was sick and not through much effort on my part, but hey, it’s all good.

I have some VERY exciting news to share! I recently went for my annual physical (although it’s not quite annual since I haven’t had one since 2014) and my doctor expressed concern that my weight had gone up since she last saw me. Since I have a chronic disease called poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) and it can become worse with weight gain (as well as cause weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight, hurray!) she wanted to address it.

She put me on a program through my healthcare system that pairs me up with a nurse who specializes in weight management. When I met with this nurse, Julie, the next week, she explained it to me. Basically, it’s a program that’s designed to be completed in six months. In those six months, I will attend sessions about things like emotional eating, nutrition, managing cravings, how to cut down on sugar etc. AND I will also be assigned a trainer who I will meet with once a week for 12 weeks to develop an exercise regimen. And, best of all, it’s FREE. (Thank you Canadian healthcare!)

I’m so excited. I had been toying with the idea of getting a trainer for a long time but I balked at the cost. I had no idea this program even existed, so the idea that I can get such incredible, professional support and help for free is just amazing to me.

I feel like I’ve fallen off track, spiritually. I was bogged down by anxiety and depression and I worried too much about what other people think about me, I invested so many time and energy into their emotions and feelings that I left nothing for myself, so I was unhappy and very drained. But I’ve decided, it’s time for ME. I’m young, I have no dependents, so now is the best time for me to reconnect with myself and focus on my own needs. I have enrolled in yoga, meditation and knitting classes, I’m planning a trip to Asia in May and now I’m starting this new weight loss program and I am unbelievably excited! 2016 is shaping up to be pretty wonderful!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 5, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 314.6 lbs
Gain: 2.0 lbs
Current BMI: 49.3
Gain: 0.3
Bust: 53 inches
Gain: 1.0 inches
Waist: 56 inches
Loss: 1.5 inches
Hips: 56 inches

I feel like I’m living on a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. I’m up in pounds, but down in measurements, apparently. Although I generally take the measurements with a grain of salt, since I can never be sure if I’m measuring in the exact same spot every single time.

I am feeling really depressed and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I think I know why, though. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Here we go…

When I was 20, I was sexually assaulted at a party by someone that I knew, someone that I thought was my friend. It wasn’t rape, but there are other things you can do to someone. I was so shocked and scared that I didn’t know what to do, so as soon as he was done I just left the party and got in my car and cried.

I never told anyone. Not for 6 whole years. I pretended like it never happened. I blamed myself. “I shouldn’t have been alone with him. I should have been more clear that I didn’t want it. I should…I should…I should…” So many excuses. I made excuses for him: he didn’t know what he was doing, he must have thought I wanted it, he was really drunk. But it was not my fault. I did nothing to make him believe that I wanted his sexual attention and being drunk is not an excuse to take advantage of someone, especially when that person is clearly trying to get away from you.

I saw him, for the first time in 6 years, last August. I had succeeded in putting it out of my brain, for the most part (although my relationships with men have always been awful, which should have been a clue) but when I saw him, it all came flooding back. I started having nightmares and crying all the time and I think now I’m realizing that most of my weirdness has to do with the fact that I’ve never properly dealt with it.

Being assaulted made my body my enemy. I was overweight before this happened, but between then and now, I have gained 100 lbs. I have never let a man touch me since then. And I grew to hate my body, which is so incredibly sad.

This whole process has made me realize why I am the way I am and how I could get to this weight. I take responsibility for where I am, physically, I know that nobody forced me to eat the way I have, but there is a reason why I did and I think that I probably cannot get into a healthy mindset permanently until I deal with underlying issues.

The moral of the story? Talk about stuff. Don’t hold things inside. Get help.

Cheers, happy losing!