Progress Update – as of October 25, 2015

Well. I’ve been really bad about updating this blog, haven’t I? Really, really bad. A lot – a LOT – has happened in the past two months.

  1. I moved. It was extremely stressful and, unfortunately, I found myself eating out a lot.
  2. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, put on medication and I started counselling. I have struggling with anxiety and depression for the past 17 years. That’s a long time to struggle, a very long time. I have been in counselling before, but this is my first time on medication. I was reluctant to go on medication, but this move triggered so much anxiety that I’m thankful that I am. Now that I’m not so stressed, hopefully I can get back to focusing on eating healthy and exercising.
  3. I started dance class. Full disclosure: I hate most exercise. Put me on a treadmill for half an hour? Utter torture. But put me in a dance class for three hours, I am happy as a clam. I also love to swim, so I’d like to swim on the days that I don’t dance, but I haven’t done that yet.

The last change, the biggest change, is that I am starting to accept myself as I am. To embrace how I look, right now, and to feel good about myself. I wanted, for a long time, to be a professional actress, but that always seemed like such a faraway goal, due to my weight. I started gaining weight when I was about 12, due to my condition, which is polycystic ovary syndrome, which can cause weight gain. Now, I did not gain weight solely because of this condition, I definitely had a hand in it myself, but it certainly didn’t help. So, for years and years, I have hated myself. I have tried so hard to lose weight to achieve this goal of being an actress, but every time I failed, I got so discouraged.

I realized earlier this year that acting is not for me. I’d gone on audition after audition, getting nothing, and I realized one day that I wasn’t having fun anymore. So, I decided to leave that behind and change my entire career. It is incredible how this decision has changed my life. While I still want to lose weight, I no longer feel the need to be Hollywood-skinny. I am happy to lose weight to be healthier and happier, and admittedly, so that I can feel better about how I look, but now I am beginning to appreciate that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that I do not have to fit into a box to feel confident and attractive and amazing.

Take Adele, for instance. I have no idea how much Adele weighs, but she’s clearly a bigger woman and I think she’s absolutely stunning. She is not skinny, far from it, but she is beautiful and confident. That is what I want, so that’s part of my major goal at this point in my life, to accept myself as I am and feel good about it. Now, let’s crunch numbers:

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 301.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.2
Bust: 51 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Hips: 53 inches

I’ve also decided to start taking photographs of my progress. I think this will help me, not only to have visual documentation, but also to try to appreciate the way that I look and learn to love myself, no matter what I see in the mirror. It’s scary, but here we go.

October 25, 2015 - Side October 25, 2015 - Arm October 25, 2015 -

Cheers and happy losing!!!

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Progress Update re: change in posting and something embarrassing (again)

Hello dear readers!

I have decided, once again, to change the day that I post every week. For the past several weeks it has been Wednesday (erm, well it’s supposed to be Wednesday but I haven’t always been so good about that) but I have now decided to make it Mondays. However, I do mean Mondays in New Zealand, so if you’re in North America, that means Sunday. Anyway.

I also wanted to talk about my progress. I have not yet taken my April measurements (that will happen on Monday) but I think I have been making progress. I don’t have a scale, so I can’t judge, but since I no longer have access to a car and since I’m currently staying in a place that is quite central, I have been walking basically everywhere I want to go, which has meant at least 20 minutes every day for the last 3 weeks, which is pretty good. Some days it has been way more than that, like 1, 2, 3 hours of walking, much of it uphill. Which means that I’m perpetually sweaty, but I digress.

Anyway, on to the embarrassing thing. Yesterday I was on my way to go see a house (I’m currently looking for a room to rent) and I went to the wrong end of the bus terminal. By the time I figured it out, my bus had already left. However, I decided to go find the correct bus stop anyway, so that I would know for next time. When it comes in sight, I realize that the bus I needed actually had not left yet, I guess it was running late. I am still a block away at this point and the bus looks like it’s about to pull out, so I run pell mell down the street to try to catch the bus. As I was running, my pants fell down.

They didn’t fall all the way down, thank goodness, but they were certainly slipping enough that I had to grab them and keep running. (And I’m quite certain that anybody behind me at the bus terminal got a delightful view of my underwear, but oh well.) I was wearing a belt with said pants but I guess I have lost enough weight that moving around that quickly, even with a belt, makes my pants too loose. Thankfully, I was able to pull them up properly and tighten my belt before boarding the bus to avoid further embarrassment, but after it all went down I was kind of pleased, to be honest. I have had the misfortune of having to bolt for the bus in those pants before, but I have never had an issue with them falling down, so I’m pleased as punch that I’ve gotten to a point where they’re just about too big to even stay up.

It would have been nice if I had discovered this in private, but oh well…

Progress Update – as of March 19 and 26, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight (March 19): 296.3 lbs
Gain: 0.3 lbs
Current BMI (March 19): 46.4
Gain: 0

Current Weight (March 26): 294.3 lbs
Loss: 2.0 lbs
Current BMI (March 26): 46.1
Loss: 0.3

Sorry for the delay this week folks, my life has been a bit of a whirlwind for the last couple of weeks. As you may know by now, I am in New Zealand! I wanted to take time to write on here, but the sun was shining and there were lovely beaches calling me, so I found myself putting the computer down and going outside. Ah well. I will try to keep up this week, but I am no longer staying with relatives, as I’m bouncing around the countryside and the wi-fi is a bit spotty.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I have been eating really well. I am staying in hostels at the moment, so it’s not like I’m cooking up sumptuous meals (and I’m a germaphobe, but that’s another story) but I’ve got apples and carrots and yogurt and milk and good bread and PB&J (all natural, no added salt or sugar or other crap) so I’m doing okay. However, before I started travelling around, I was staying with relatives. Relatives who happen to grow a whole bunch of produce in their garden and who have their own chickens and who are very health-conscious and only buy the best (meaning organic) of everything, so meals with them were lovely, always really healthy, high-quality ingredients with tons and tons of vegetables and fruit.

2) I have been exercising like crazy. Not like what I normally do, which is weights and rowing and treadmill, but just walking everywhere and being an active tourist, as opposed to sitting inside and watching television all day. New Zealand is also very hilly, which has meant some hiking with STEEP climbs (which either means hundreds of built-in stairs or steep stretches of path), which of course makes my legs burn and makes me sweat like crazy. By the time I go back home (for Christmas), I am going to have a butt that you can bounce quarters off. I also find that I am really enjoying the exercise. (Well, mostly, let’s not get carried away here.) For example, just today I went on a 3 km hike around Wai O Tapu, which is a “geothermal wonderland” (their words, not mine). Basically, New Zealand is a volcanic country with lots of geothermal activity and so there are lots of places where you can hike around huge pieces of land and see geysers, boiling mud pools, sulphur caves, mineral lakes etc. etc. That is what I did today and, because I wanted to see everything, I did the longest hike. I was swearing a blue streak under my (heaving) breath at one point, as I was confronted with what seemed like a thousand stairs, but for the most part it was really enjoyable. I like being outside and hiking through nature, so I’m hoping to do a lot more of that in the future.

3) I have been getting a lot of sleep. The time difference has really helped me, to be honest. At home, I would often stay up late at night a) talking to friends (thanks Facebook!) or b) watching Netflix. Here, I am five hours behind, so if I’m talking to people at night, they have usually gone to bed by 8:00 here. And you can’t get Netflix here and I have yet to find something to bypass that hurdle that doesn’t make my computer slow to a crawl. So I’ve been going to bed at a decent time and then getting up early in the morning to SEIZE THE DAY and see and do as many things as possible. This going to bed at a good time and doing a lot during the day has changed my schedule so that I’m actually tired by 10:00 pm and I go to bed. It’s a good system.

What I Can Improve On:

1) There is always room for improvement, of course, but I have been doing so well that I think my goals for the upcoming weeks are just going to be to keep doing what I’m doing.

How I Feel:

Great! And my stress level is back to normal, since now I don’t have to worry about packing or cleaning or all that stuff. I am normally one of those people who has trips planned to the last second, but this time around I am just kind of going with the flow. I have so much time here, I’m just allowing myself to relax and not feel like I have to cram absolutely everything in, it is lovely.

As of right now, I no longer have access to a scale. I suspect that this will be the case for the next couple of weeks, so I will just continue to post as normal, without the weight. I am hoping to buy a measuring tape though (something I forgot to bring!) so that I can do measurements, but we’ll see how it goes.

Bye for now!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 296.0 lbs
Gain: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.4
Gain: 0.2

This week was even more stressful than the last two weeks and it apparently got the better of me. But no matter, because I am now on my way to New Zealand!! I am sitting in the Vancouver airport as we speak, waiting for my flight out. It is very exciting.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I got a lot of sleep, so that’s something. But that’s about it, I didn’t track or eat well really, nor did I exercise.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Everything, in a nutshell.

How I Feel:

Hopeful!!! Very, very, very hopeful. Why, you might ask? Well, because I have a lot of bad eating habits. I have been working hard to conquer those, but like anyone, I am not perfect. In New Zealand, I will not have access to a vehicle, so I won’t be able to run out late at night to grab a burger or whatever. Additionally, eating out in New Zealand is expensive, so I plan to cook as much as possible to save money and that, of course, means that I can pick exactly what is going into my meals and thus ensure that I am eating lots of nutritious food. I also plan to do a lot of hiking and walking around NZ. It’s a gorgeous country and going hiking or walking is a great (and free!) way to see the country. I bought myself a new camera recently, so I’m looking forward to going on nice walks and getting some great snapshots.

Note: I do not know if I will have access to a scale from now on. I will be staying with family for a bit, then hosteling about, then hopefully getting an apartment, but I don’t know if there will be scales at any of my relative’s houses or if my potential roommates will have one. I doubt I will buy one myself, so it’s possible that I won’t be able to actually weigh in regularly. However, I will continue to update and measure every week (or more) so no worries!

Hello and welcome! Here is my story…

Hello and welcome to my blog!

This is my journey to losing weight and getting healthy!

I grew up in a household full of real, healthy, delicious food. My mom has degrees in health and nutrition and as such, she did not want to feed us junk food or processed foods full of preservatives. We got chips and pop at birthday parties only, baked goods were always homemade from scratch and trips to McDonald’s were a rarity. My mom made sure that we played outside every day and were involved in sports activities, like swimming lessons and soccer. She also limited the amount of time we spent watching television, preferring us to play and be kids. So, it seems, that I was set for life.

When I was 11, I began to get bullied by a group of kids in my school. They weren’t outright mean to me, like calling me names, but instead they would whisper about me behind my back and exclude me from everything. Nobody in my class talked to me and I began to get very, very lonely. It is horrible to be called names and publicly bullied in that way, but it is just as awful to purposely be excluded and to be told that you are not wanted.

Food became a comfort to me. My junior high school had a million vending machines (stuffed with pop, chips, candy and ice cream) as well as a canteen that sold candy and baked goods, among other things. I didn’t have a job at the time, but I got an allowance, and I found happiness in going to the canteen at lunchtime and eating a brownie by myself in the stairwell.

Soon, my bad habits moved outside the borders of school. I lived within walking distance of a grocery store, so much of my allowance money went there, towards bags of chips, candy, chocolate and packaged snack cakes. I stayed at a relatively steady weight in junior high, despite all the junk food, because I walked to and from school every day, which took about 30 minutes each way.

However, my high school was too far for me to walk and so I had to take a bus. I did not compensate for the missed activity and so I slowly began to put on weight in earnest (not helped by the fact that my allowance was supplemented by part-time job income and that my high school had a cafeteria that sold slurpees, cookies, french fries, chicken nuggets etc.). The more weight I put on, the more self-conscious and depressed I became. The outgoing, loud, bubbly little girl that I once had been became a shy, reserved teenager wracked with self-doubt and trying her hardest to be invisible.

I am now almost 25. I have, happily, shed my depression and shyness and become outgoing and confident once more, but I am still self-conscious about my weight. I have also grown concerned, lately, about the health issues I might be causing by being so heavy. My feet, knees and ankles often ache at night and I suspect that is because of the pressure being put on them by my excess weight. My fitness level is atrocious (practically non-existent) and I would like to get to a point where I can run without having to step every 5 seconds to catch my breath. I have always been strong, and some of my bulk is muscle, so lifting weights and the like is not a problem, but I am also looking to gain flexibility. I have a lot of issues with my shoulders and back, so I am hoping that losing weight, getting fit and becoming more flexible will improve my quality of life that much more.

I also need to address my eating habits. I am a food addict. I am an emotional eater. I have a hard time saying “no” to things that I like or simply sticking to proper portion sizes. It is a battle that I have been trying to win for many, many years but I haven’t conquered it yet. I believe, wholeheartedly, that food addiction is just as serious as an addiction to nicotine or alcohol or narcotics. (There are studies to back this up, if you don’t believe me.) But here’s the problem: you can’t escape food. If you are an alcoholic or a smoker or a substance abuser, once you quit/become sober, you never EVER have to have that thing again. But you have to have food. An alcoholic can avoid alcohol by not setting foot into a liquor store. A food addict cannot never set foot in a grocery store again. It is a problem that I am working hard to overcome, but I know (I KNOW) that I can do it.

If you want to lose weight, conquer your eating habits or simply get fit, I hope you will read this blog and make up your mind to join me. If you don’t want to do any of those things, I hope that you can read this blog and find inspiration from it that you can apply to other parts of your life.

Either way, whatever you take from it, I hope you see something you like and I hope you’ll stay.