Progress Update – as of June 4, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Loss: 7.3 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Loss: 1.1

Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Loss: 1 inch
Hips: 55 inches
Loss: 1 inch

Wahoo! That is what I’m talking about. We are TEN POUNDS AWAY from the 200s people! TEN POUNDS! I don’t really look any different (yet) but who cares? That’s an accomplishment!

So, I did something the other day that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time: I renewed my gym membership! The “gym” that I’m referring to is a little different because it’s not actually a gym, it’s a recreation centre in my hometown. There are weight machines, treadmills, rowing machines, bikes, free weights, a track, a swimming pool, a skating rink, ellipticals and stair steppers, plus other equipment like resistance bands, foam rollers etc. What’s also nice about it is that this rec centre has an agreement with the other ones in the area, meaning that I can go hiking, cross-country skiing, swimming (at a different pool), ice skating or that I can utilize other gyms in the area, should I choose.

I don’t really know what I’m doing on the weight machines and I am intimidated by the other people there. However, I got one of the personal trainers who works/supervises there to give me a little tutorial of the gym and what the machines do, so I feel more comfortable. I am intimidated because everybody who was there when I was there was SO FIT. Huge muscles, people who obviously work out all the time. I just feel like a big fat slob next to those people. I know I shouldn’t, I know that I should be proud of myself for trying to better my life and that, truthfully, they’re likely not even paying attention to me at all, but I can’t help feel like they’re sitting there, laughing at that fat girl in the corner who doesn’t know what she’s doing.

But WHO CARES. I’m trying to think that way. I’m at the gym for me, to get healthy and change my life, so I really shouldn’t care.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – May 28, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 316.7 lbs
Gain: 4.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.6
Gain: 0.7

I won’t lie, I’m extremely disappointed this week. More than I have been in a long time.

I really thought that I would lose weight in New York. We started our days at 9:00 am and didn’t get back to the hotel until 9:00 each night, sometimes later. We walked almost the entire time we were there, the only time we really sat down was to eat lunch or have coffee or for the occasional break when my feet just couldn’t take it anymore. So, needless to say, I’m surprised.

I really thought I tried to watch what I ate this week. For sure, I indulged in some things (NY cheesecake was a highlight!) and I didn’t eat as many vegetables or fruits as I normally would, but I don’t think that I went crazy, so I’m really confused. I thought I would at least maintain, if not lose, so I’m really quite baffled that I gained so much.

Maybe some of it’s muscle? Water retention? I don’t know. Bodies are sometimes weird. Anyway, I’ll try not to stress about it.

I think I mentioned awhile ago that I signed up for a weight-loss program that my doctor referred me to. I am supposed to start sessions with a personal trainer in a couple of weeks (1.5 hours a week for 12 weeks), so I’m looking forward to that! I would like to use the machines at the gym but I don’t know how any of them work and I’m afraid that I’ll look stupid. I know that’s dumb, but I find those athletic types very intimidating and I feel like they’re judging me for being there, like I don’t belong. I’m sure they’re not thinking anything of the sort and that they’re concentrating on their own workouts, but I can’t help but feel self-conscious.

Hopefully this week is better, onwards and upwards! Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of April 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 319.9 lbs
Gain: 4.3 lbs
Current BMI: 50.1
Gain: 0.7

Well.

I’m baffled, to say the least. I went for a 30 minute walk every single day this week. I wore a pedometer. I made really good food choices.

Could I have gained muscle? It’s possible, I know that’s one reason why someone’s weight can initially go up when they start working out, but it’s not possible to gain almost 5 lbs of muscle, in a week, just by walking. I can only assume that my body just went into shock, since I’ve been sedentary for so long, and tried to hold onto the fat or something like that. Same reason why people plateau.

Anyway, I don’t know, but I’m trying not to worry about it. I was active this week and that is the most important thing.Onwards and upwards.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of April 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Weight: 315.6 lbs
Gain: 2.3 lbs
BMI: 49.4
Gain: 0.3
Hips: 52 inches
Loss: 1 inch
Waist: 57 inches
Gain: 1 inch
Hips: 57 inches
Gain: 1 inch

Oops, I did it again! Missed a few weeks, I mean. It’s been kind of crazy around here, actually. Just a lot of things going on and I have caught the spring cleaning bug, so I’m crossing things off my To Do list like crazy. A great feeling!

I started my weight loss program and it makes me really excited. I’ve mentioned it before but, just to recap, the program is called Why Wait? and it’s designed for people who are trying to lose weight but can’t seem to do it alone. I was referred to it by my doctor, who was concerned. The program is six months long. You are assigned a coach – either a nurse or a dietitian – that you meet with initially, then for the next six months. You are required to take several classes on nutrition, emotional eating, exercise etc. and then you’re assigned a personal trainer who helps you to get an exercise routine and teaches you proper form with body-weight exercises and how to use the weight machines and all of that. The classes have been excellent so far, I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve also started wearing a pedometer. One of the things that stood out to me the most from my classes was that weight honestly does not matter. It doesn’t. It is more important to get 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week and to limit the amount of time you spend sitting than to lose weight. This blew my mind. I want to lose weight for aesthetic purposes, but an obese or overweight person who gets 150 minutes of exercise a week is actually less likely to get cardiovascular disease than someone of normal weight who doesn’t exercise. Seriously. People always go on and on about “fat is bad” but really, inactivity is worse. So anyway, I’m wearing a pedometer now to track my steps. I’ve also started walking a lunch with a coworker, we usually walk about half an hour every day. It’s lovely to get out of the office because the weather here is beautiful now, plus it means that I get at least some activity in my day, regardless of how busy I am after work.

Lastly, I am back on Weight Watchers. They had a really good deal recently where you can save a bunch of money (more than $100) by signing up for six months in advance. I am not 100% on board with Weight Watchers BUT they have changed their program for 2016 and I think it’s more scientifically sound now, plus it’s still a good way for me to keep track of what I’m eating and be aware of what I’m putting in my body.

So, I’m feeling hopeful!

Cheers, happy losing!

 

 

Progress Update – as of March 26, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.3 lbs
Loss: 0.5 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Loss: 0

So, down again! Once again, this likely wasn’t because of me. I did try to eat well, but I didn’t exercise, I just found that I was so incredibly tired this week, I was still recovering from my crazy hectic few weeks.

But it’s all good! I’ve made myself a schedule where I actually have an allotted time for exercise, instead of “I’ll do it later”, because usually when I saw that, “later” never comes. I want to start swimming. I got into a decent habit of swimming rather frequently a little over a year ago, but then I got my current job and my schedule changed a lot. I love swimming, it works your whole body but it doesn’t feel like work at all, to me it’s just a lot of fun. So hopefully I can get myself into a good pattern. We shall see!

I don’t have much else to say, life has been a bit of a whirlwind as of late, so we shall update in April.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.1 lbs
Loss: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.4

Yay, we’re down again! Truthfully, I think this is likely because I was sick and not through much effort on my part, but hey, it’s all good.

I have some VERY exciting news to share! I recently went for my annual physical (although it’s not quite annual since I haven’t had one since 2014) and my doctor expressed concern that my weight had gone up since she last saw me. Since I have a chronic disease called poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) and it can become worse with weight gain (as well as cause weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight, hurray!) she wanted to address it.

She put me on a program through my healthcare system that pairs me up with a nurse who specializes in weight management. When I met with this nurse, Julie, the next week, she explained it to me. Basically, it’s a program that’s designed to be completed in six months. In those six months, I will attend sessions about things like emotional eating, nutrition, managing cravings, how to cut down on sugar etc. AND I will also be assigned a trainer who I will meet with once a week for 12 weeks to develop an exercise regimen. And, best of all, it’s FREE. (Thank you Canadian healthcare!)

I’m so excited. I had been toying with the idea of getting a trainer for a long time but I balked at the cost. I had no idea this program even existed, so the idea that I can get such incredible, professional support and help for free is just amazing to me.

I feel like I’ve fallen off track, spiritually. I was bogged down by anxiety and depression and I worried too much about what other people think about me, I invested so many time and energy into their emotions and feelings that I left nothing for myself, so I was unhappy and very drained. But I’ve decided, it’s time for ME. I’m young, I have no dependents, so now is the best time for me to reconnect with myself and focus on my own needs. I have enrolled in yoga, meditation and knitting classes, I’m planning a trip to Asia in May and now I’m starting this new weight loss program and I am unbelievably excited! 2016 is shaping up to be pretty wonderful!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of February 20 and 27, 2016

Height: 5’7″

February 20, 2016
Current Weight: 315.3 lbs
Gain: 2.3 lbs
Current BMI: 49.4
Gain: 0.4

February 27, 2016
Current Weight: 312.6 lbs
Loss: 2.7 lbs
Current BMI: 49.0
Loss: 0.4

Hurray, we’re down again! The past few weeks have been very difficult, emotionally, and the last thing that I’ve wanted to do is work out or eat healthy. I have tried very hard to make good choices as often as possible, but I find that cooking and preparing meals are the first things to go when I’m sad, so I’ve been eating out a lot lately, much more than I should.

One thing that has changed is exercise. I’m still not exercising as much as I probably should be, but I have been going for walks during my lunch hour at work (usually 30 minute walks), and I go down with my coworker every two hours to move her car, so we take the stairs on this little trips instead of the elevator. I’ve also started wearing a pedometer, which I think has made me aware of how little I move during an average day ad how much more I need to be active.

The weather is also helping, it’s been absolutely GORGEOUS where I live. Spring is coming and being outside in the fresh air for those little walks has really made me feel a lot happier. I think I’m going to try to walk outside as often as possible. I need to engage in more intense exercise than walking in order to see real weight loss, I know, but being outside in the fresh air and sunshine makes me feel great and, at the end of the day, going for a walk, even if it’s not intense, is still better than sitting in my office chair all day and on the couch all night.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 30, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 310.6 lbs
Gain: 2.4 lbs
Current BMI: 48.6
Gain: 0.3

Sigh. I’m up again. Oh well. This week I ate out a lot, I think that’s why. I did try to make good choices, but when you eat out you usually vastly underestimate how many calories you’re consuming.

Emotionally, I’m doing okay, but it’s hard. It comes and goes and it probably will be that way for a long time, to be honest. I’m a very emotional, “heart on your sleeve” kind of person and I get very emotionally invested in the people and things that I care about. I also don’t deal very well with change.

I have a friend who has been incredible to me over the last couple of weeks, just listening and helping me sort out my feelings. She suggested to me that I get assessed for OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). People with OCD are usually portrayed in the media as germaphobes who are obsessed with order and cleanliness. Not true. It IS true that people with OCD can have compulsions such as washing their hands multiple times, but OCD is primarily an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in obsessive negative thoughts and chronic anxiety about disastrous things happen. Compulsions (such as hand washing, turning the light switch on and off multiple times) occur because they make those with OCD feel safe, they calm the anxious thoughts.

One of the symptoms of OCD is called “hyper-responsibility”, where you worry about your friends and family’s happiness to the point that it’s detrimental to your own. I always thought it was just my anxiety, but knowing that it could possibly be more than that is interesting. We will see how I go.

I realized that I totally forgot to post the update of my goals last week, so here goes:

Weekly Goal #1: Get 150 minutes of exercise a week. Update: Haven’t done this, not even close. However, it’s been absolutely beautiful out where I live, so I thought that I would go for a walk at lunch. Hopefully that will also help lighten my mood.
Weekly Goal #2: Eat breakfast every morning. Update: I’ve done really well with this so far, actually. Most mornings I have at least had a smoothie, so yay for me!
Weekly Goal #3: Daily dry brushing (twice daily). If you don’t know what dry brushing is, it’s using a dry body brush on your body to exfoliate your skin. It’s supposed to stimulate circulation, stimulate the lymphatic system, reduce cellulite and eliminate toxins. I don’t really believe that any of that is true, but it feels nice and it makes my skin really soft. Update: I haven’t done it twice daily, but I’ve done it most days. It hasn’t done anything for my cellulite and I doubt that it will, but exfoliating is good, so who cares?
Weekly Goal #4: Drink 2L of water very day. Update: Well, I don’t think I ever drank 2L and I didn’t do it every day, but I did drink more water than normal this week and I tried to choose water over other choices.

Weekly Goal #5: Get 8 hours of sleep a night. We will see how I do!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.2 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.3
Loss: 0.2

So, we’re down again, hurray! It isn’t really anything to do with me though. I didn’t exercise this week, I was too depressed. I know that exercise is actually one of the best things that you can do for depression, but it’s hard to remember that when you’re lying in bed wishing you could just disappear.

I got a lot of sleep, I guess that’s something. But it’s mostly because, as soon as I got home from work every day, I went to bed. I honestly didn’t feel like doing anything else. I don’t think it was healthy, necessarily, but it’s what I needed this week and I figured I would give myself a few days.

Otherwise, I didn’t really take care of myself. I hardly ate because food made me nauseated and I didn’t exercise or drink enough water and as soon as I got home I was in my pajamas.

I am trying very hard. Unfortunately, though, mental illness is a really difficult thing to handle and sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to do nothing. I don’t think it’s healthy to do that all the time, I think that it’s important to go through the motions until they have meaning again, but for a few days it’s okay to just let yourself do what you need to do. I was able to get up and get dressed and go to work, which I think was a pretty amazing accomplishment, considering how terrible I felt, so at least that’s something.

I’m slowly getting over my heartbreak. It doesn’t physically hurt so much, but it will take a long time to actually get over it. I am proud of myself though, I did not fall back into my terrible emotional eating habits, I really did try to make good choices, despite feeling so crappy. (Well, that is to say I made good choices when I actually ate, which wasn’t all the time.) I’m hoping that getting into an exercise routine will help even more.

Cheers, happy losing!

 

Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!