Progress Update – as of June 4, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Loss: 7.3 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Loss: 1.1

Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Loss: 1 inch
Hips: 55 inches
Loss: 1 inch

Wahoo! That is what I’m talking about. We are TEN POUNDS AWAY from the 200s people! TEN POUNDS! I don’t really look any different (yet) but who cares? That’s an accomplishment!

So, I did something the other day that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time: I renewed my gym membership! The “gym” that I’m referring to is a little different because it’s not actually a gym, it’s a recreation centre in my hometown. There are weight machines, treadmills, rowing machines, bikes, free weights, a track, a swimming pool, a skating rink, ellipticals and stair steppers, plus other equipment like resistance bands, foam rollers etc. What’s also nice about it is that this rec centre has an agreement with the other ones in the area, meaning that I can go hiking, cross-country skiing, swimming (at a different pool), ice skating or that I can utilize other gyms in the area, should I choose.

I don’t really know what I’m doing on the weight machines and I am intimidated by the other people there. However, I got one of the personal trainers who works/supervises there to give me a little tutorial of the gym and what the machines do, so I feel more comfortable. I am intimidated because everybody who was there when I was there was SO FIT. Huge muscles, people who obviously work out all the time. I just feel like a big fat slob next to those people. I know I shouldn’t, I know that I should be proud of myself for trying to better my life and that, truthfully, they’re likely not even paying attention to me at all, but I can’t help feel like they’re sitting there, laughing at that fat girl in the corner who doesn’t know what she’s doing.

But WHO CARES. I’m trying to think that way. I’m at the gym for me, to get healthy and change my life, so I really shouldn’t care.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 19, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Gain: 0.2

Up again! Goodness, I am on quite the roller coaster here. I’m not surprised though, this past week I was working on a theatre show that opened on Thursday, so I was at the theatre basically every single day for hours. I did try to plan my meals and to take snacks and such with me, but I was so tired every evening that this did not always happen.

I have also been sick for two weeks with a terrible chest cold. Because I have been busy I haven’t been getting adequate rest, which is likely why I’ve been unable to get rid of it. And I haven’t been exercising, mostly because of how busy and tired I have been, and because I’ve been coughing so much.

But I’m done! The show is done, months and months of prep and stress is over. Now, I want to focus on myself. On getting to a good place, physically and mentally, instead of worrying about everyone else all the time or expending my energy on other people.

Here’s to a good week! Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.1 lbs
Loss: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.4

Yay, we’re down again! Truthfully, I think this is likely because I was sick and not through much effort on my part, but hey, it’s all good.

I have some VERY exciting news to share! I recently went for my annual physical (although it’s not quite annual since I haven’t had one since 2014) and my doctor expressed concern that my weight had gone up since she last saw me. Since I have a chronic disease called poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) and it can become worse with weight gain (as well as cause weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight, hurray!) she wanted to address it.

She put me on a program through my healthcare system that pairs me up with a nurse who specializes in weight management. When I met with this nurse, Julie, the next week, she explained it to me. Basically, it’s a program that’s designed to be completed in six months. In those six months, I will attend sessions about things like emotional eating, nutrition, managing cravings, how to cut down on sugar etc. AND I will also be assigned a trainer who I will meet with once a week for 12 weeks to develop an exercise regimen. And, best of all, it’s FREE. (Thank you Canadian healthcare!)

I’m so excited. I had been toying with the idea of getting a trainer for a long time but I balked at the cost. I had no idea this program even existed, so the idea that I can get such incredible, professional support and help for free is just amazing to me.

I feel like I’ve fallen off track, spiritually. I was bogged down by anxiety and depression and I worried too much about what other people think about me, I invested so many time and energy into their emotions and feelings that I left nothing for myself, so I was unhappy and very drained. But I’ve decided, it’s time for ME. I’m young, I have no dependents, so now is the best time for me to reconnect with myself and focus on my own needs. I have enrolled in yoga, meditation and knitting classes, I’m planning a trip to Asia in May and now I’m starting this new weight loss program and I am unbelievably excited! 2016 is shaping up to be pretty wonderful!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 9, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 304.2 lbs
Loss: 1.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.6
Loss: 0.3

Wahoo, another loss! I’m a little surprised, since obviously my ability to exercise has been compromised, but hey, I will take it! I have been trying hard to make good choices about eating and to get lots of sleep and drink more water, which is perhaps what made the difference.

My ankle has been sore, obviously, but it’s feeling a lot better these past few days, since I’ve been resting it. I am hoping to get into an exercise routine this week, perhaps swimming, so we will see how that goes.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: So, I obviously didn’t follow through on this, due to the unforeseen circumstances, but this week hopefully I can! 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning

Cheers, happy losing!

Bad News and a Challenge

So, yesterday, something very unfortunate happened: I broke my ankle.

It’s not a bad break, it’s just a tiny little fracture, so I don’t require a big cast or surgery or anything like that, but it’s still enough to derail me a little bit. I have been instructed to wear a brace 24/7 and to stay off it as much as possible.

The first thing I thought when I found out was “oh crap, how am I going to work out?” but after thinking about it, there is still stuff that I can do. I am not able to do the treadmill, the elliptical or any kind of weight-bearing activity, really, BUT I can still do core and upper-body exercises and lower-body exercises like leg lifts, glute bridges and maybe lunges if I am very careful. As for cardio – swimming! I will have to be careful not to do any vigorous kicking or anything like that, and of course if it really starts to hurt I will ease off, but it’s a great full-body workout that I can do without putting any weight on my ankle.

I am hoping it heals quickly and heals well, but I will not let this be an excuse!

Cheers!

Time’s Fun When You’re Having Flies

Happy Birthday to PFG, happy birthday to PFG, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to PFG!

WordPress has kindly informed me that today marks two years since I started my blog. That’s both good and bad. Good because I’m still keeping up with it, it isn’t collecting dust like so many other projects in my life. Bad because, even though I’ve been doing this sort of regularly for two years, I haven’t made any actual progress.

Hands up, who here is an emotional eater? Me me me me me.

I love food. Who doesn’t? But food, to me, has always been more than just nourishment, more than just something yummy. It’s been a friend. A comfort. A soothing ointment for my wounds. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain of their lives, to fill the holes, to make them forget their misery; I used food. It’s easy to get, much easier for a young bullied kid to get than alcohol or drugs. It’s not suspicious. It’s not illegal. It’s much cheaper. And it’s everywhere, we are bombarded with it.

After he stops drinking, an alcoholic never has to go into a liquor store again. A ex-smoker doesn’t have to see cigarettes. A recovering drug addict can’t walk into a convenience store and buy cocaine or heroin or methamphetamines. But my drug is everywhere.

I can’t watch television without seeing advertisements for it. I can’t drive through town without seeing flashing signs trying to lure me. I can’t buy groceries without being bombarded with cookies, chips, ice cream and every sort of junk food imaginable. I’ve heard lots of people say “Just put down the fork” or equally rude things, but what they don’t understand is that food is something you can never escape from. I believe, wholeheartedly, that food addiction is a real addiction. Recovering addicts never have to smoke or drink or do drugs again. But I have to eat to stay alive, I have to go to grocery stores. I can never get away.

I ate a lot as an unhappy teenager because food never judged. It was always there, it made me happy and never betrayed me or made me feel embarrassed. I have found myself craving very bad things lately, trying to deal with depression and anxiety and I haven’t been eating as well as I should have. But I’m trying, that’s what matters.

Progress Update – as of November 22, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.2 lbs
Gain: 3.0 lbs
Current BMI: 48.3
Gain: 0.5
Bust: 49 in.
Loss: 2 in.
Waist: 56 in.
Loss: 1 in.
Hips: 54 in.
Gain: 1 in.

Today was one of the days that I was meant to post photos, but my camera is full and I can’t find the chord to download the photos onto my computer, so bear with me.

I’m up again. I’m not really surprised. This week has been tough, emotionally, and so when that happens, I tend to find that I pay less attention to my eating habits and that I indulge myself more than I should. I also didn’t exercise, as I was too tired and/or unmotivated most of the time. Frustrating.

I find it a little weird that my measurements are down, but I imagine that it’s just because it’s hard to measure oneself in exactly the same way every time, so it’s more likely my error than actual loss. It’s nice to see smaller numbers, but I’ll take it with a grain of salt.

I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow and I honestly cannot wait. The medication that I’m on has helped some, but I still find my mood fluctuating a lot. I think that some of that has to do with fatigue; I have been trying to get as much sleep as possible, but I find it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep sometimes. When I’m tired, it just makes it so much harder to make the right decisions about eating and exercise and it makes everything seem so overwhelming.

I’ve recently discovered the concept of HIIT (high-intensity interval training) workouts. Sometimes, even though I know theoretically that I probably have enough time, it seems like it’s too much of a commitment to workout and so I don’t. (Being overwhelmed, again.) HIIT workouts are designed to be extremely short and very intense, so that you can get maximum impact in a short time. You can do them on a bike, a treadmill, a rowing machine, swimming or doing intense things like boxing, burpees etc. I’ve seen several versions, but most of them consist of X number of seconds of going as hard as you can (15 or 3o) then 3X seconds (45 or 90) of rest, where you continue doing the activity but you go at a much slower pace.

I tried it the other day on my rowing machine and I have to say, it felt pretty great. It was difficult, for sure, but it made me feel hopeful. You’re not supposed to do it every day, I think on the days you don’t do it you’re meant to just do some easy cardio, which is fine. We’ll see.

Progress Update – as of November 15, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 305.2 lbs
Gain: 2.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.8
Gain: 0.4

So, I’m up again this week. But it’s okay, I forgive myself, I had a rough week, personally.

I wrote my latest blog post in the wee hours of Saturday morning, when I was feeling particularly low. Honestly, since I wrote it, I feel much better, much more confident. I think writing it down helped, I had been holding it in for so long that it was driving me crazy. It’s still going to be a struggle, I’m sure, but I have some hope again. I can do this, I know I can.

I’ve decided to abandon the formal “What I Did/Didn’t Do Well This Week” format that I’d been doing previously. I think it’s easier for me to just write how I’m feeling, instead of trying to categorize things.

I did try to make healthy choices this week, but I ate out for lunch a lot. I just found it really hard, when I got home from work, to find the energy to make lunch, all I wanted to do was go to bed. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of healthy choices near my workplace. There are two restaurants, one of which is a diner and one of which is a pub, neither of which have many healthy choices. This week, I’m trying to change that.

I’ve been doing pretty well with snack choices though, eating lots of fruits and veggies and healthy fats (like nuts) throughout the day. I do need to drink more water though, I’m definitely falling short in that aspect. I think probably drinking more water (along with getting more sleep) is going to help me beat my chronic fatigue.

Exercise is key too. I just need to schedule appointments with myself to exercise. I need it for weight loss, obviously, but I really think that I need it for my mental health too. To stay focused and on track and to keep my head above water. Here’s to a good week!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of November 8, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 302.5 lbs
Gain: 4.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.4
Gain: 0.7 lbs

So, we’re up this week. I’m not surprised. I tried really hard to track, but for whatever reason last week I ate out a lot. It’s very hard to make good choices at restaurants, it seems, so many dishes that you think wouldn’t be that bad, like sandwiches, can be super high in fat and calories. Unfortunate. I’m disappointed, but I’m not giving up.

To tell you the truth, I’m struggling. I really wanted to exercise this week, but I’m exhausted. I have been trying really hard for the past few weeks, but my depression is really getting to me. It’s so hard to get up in the morning and when I get home from work, I’m so exhausted that all I want to do is lie down. I know logically that exercise help with depression and will give me more energy, but it’s so hard to find the motivation to do it. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale makes me realize that I have to exercise to get where I want to go, but it’s also so discouraging.

I am trying really hard to eat more fruits and vegetables. I often am starving when I get home, so I’m hoping that snacking on fruits and veggies at work will help me to make good choices when I get home and take the time to prepare something healthy. I’ve also thought about investing in a slow cooker, but I’m worried about leaving it on while I’m at work. I know they’re designed to do that, but it makes me nervous. Does anyone have experience with a slow cooker? Let me know in the comments!

Cheers, happy losing!