Progress Update – as of November 22, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.2 lbs
Gain: 3.0 lbs
Current BMI: 48.3
Gain: 0.5
Bust: 49 in.
Loss: 2 in.
Waist: 56 in.
Loss: 1 in.
Hips: 54 in.
Gain: 1 in.

Today was one of the days that I was meant to post photos, but my camera is full and I can’t find the chord to download the photos onto my computer, so bear with me.

I’m up again. I’m not really surprised. This week has been tough, emotionally, and so when that happens, I tend to find that I pay less attention to my eating habits and that I indulge myself more than I should. I also didn’t exercise, as I was too tired and/or unmotivated most of the time. Frustrating.

I find it a little weird that my measurements are down, but I imagine that it’s just because it’s hard to measure oneself in exactly the same way every time, so it’s more likely my error than actual loss. It’s nice to see smaller numbers, but I’ll take it with a grain of salt.

I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow and I honestly cannot wait. The medication that I’m on has helped some, but I still find my mood fluctuating a lot. I think that some of that has to do with fatigue; I have been trying to get as much sleep as possible, but I find it difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep sometimes. When I’m tired, it just makes it so much harder to make the right decisions about eating and exercise and it makes everything seem so overwhelming.

I’ve recently discovered the concept of HIIT (high-intensity interval training) workouts. Sometimes, even though I know theoretically that I probably have enough time, it seems like it’s too much of a commitment to workout and so I don’t. (Being overwhelmed, again.) HIIT workouts are designed to be extremely short and very intense, so that you can get maximum impact in a short time. You can do them on a bike, a treadmill, a rowing machine, swimming or doing intense things like boxing, burpees etc. I’ve seen several versions, but most of them consist of X number of seconds of going as hard as you can (15 or 3o) then 3X seconds (45 or 90) of rest, where you continue doing the activity but you go at a much slower pace.

I tried it the other day on my rowing machine and I have to say, it felt pretty great. It was difficult, for sure, but it made me feel hopeful. You’re not supposed to do it every day, I think on the days you don’t do it you’re meant to just do some easy cardio, which is fine. We’ll see.

Advertisements

Progress Update – as of November 15, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 305.2 lbs
Gain: 2.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.8
Gain: 0.4

So, I’m up again this week. But it’s okay, I forgive myself, I had a rough week, personally.

I wrote my latest blog post in the wee hours of Saturday morning, when I was feeling particularly low. Honestly, since I wrote it, I feel much better, much more confident. I think writing it down helped, I had been holding it in for so long that it was driving me crazy. It’s still going to be a struggle, I’m sure, but I have some hope again. I can do this, I know I can.

I’ve decided to abandon the formal “What I Did/Didn’t Do Well This Week” format that I’d been doing previously. I think it’s easier for me to just write how I’m feeling, instead of trying to categorize things.

I did try to make healthy choices this week, but I ate out for lunch a lot. I just found it really hard, when I got home from work, to find the energy to make lunch, all I wanted to do was go to bed. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of healthy choices near my workplace. There are two restaurants, one of which is a diner and one of which is a pub, neither of which have many healthy choices. This week, I’m trying to change that.

I’ve been doing pretty well with snack choices though, eating lots of fruits and veggies and healthy fats (like nuts) throughout the day. I do need to drink more water though, I’m definitely falling short in that aspect. I think probably drinking more water (along with getting more sleep) is going to help me beat my chronic fatigue.

Exercise is key too. I just need to schedule appointments with myself to exercise. I need it for weight loss, obviously, but I really think that I need it for my mental health too. To stay focused and on track and to keep my head above water. Here’s to a good week!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of November 8, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 302.5 lbs
Gain: 4.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.4
Gain: 0.7 lbs

So, we’re up this week. I’m not surprised. I tried really hard to track, but for whatever reason last week I ate out a lot. It’s very hard to make good choices at restaurants, it seems, so many dishes that you think wouldn’t be that bad, like sandwiches, can be super high in fat and calories. Unfortunate. I’m disappointed, but I’m not giving up.

To tell you the truth, I’m struggling. I really wanted to exercise this week, but I’m exhausted. I have been trying really hard for the past few weeks, but my depression is really getting to me. It’s so hard to get up in the morning and when I get home from work, I’m so exhausted that all I want to do is lie down. I know logically that exercise help with depression and will give me more energy, but it’s so hard to find the motivation to do it. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale makes me realize that I have to exercise to get where I want to go, but it’s also so discouraging.

I am trying really hard to eat more fruits and vegetables. I often am starving when I get home, so I’m hoping that snacking on fruits and veggies at work will help me to make good choices when I get home and take the time to prepare something healthy. I’ve also thought about investing in a slow cooker, but I’m worried about leaving it on while I’m at work. I know they’re designed to do that, but it makes me nervous. Does anyone have experience with a slow cooker? Let me know in the comments!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of November 1, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 298.4 lbs
Loss: 2.7
Current BMI: 46.7
Loss: 0.5

We are back on track, baby! I have gone back on Weight Watchers. I don’t love their system – I think they make fat and carbs out to be the enemy, when it’s really not that simple – BUT I feel like it’s the most flexible system for me. I tried counting calories, but I felt so restricted. I know that it is not realistic to expect me to never eat sugar or fast food or junk food for the rest of my life. Yes, I know that I should stay away from those foods in general – as should we all – but I need to lose weight in a way that I can enjoy those things from time to time, otherwise it’s just not going to work.

I thought I did very well this week. I did not exercise, as I got a terrible cold, but I tracked religiously and made good choices when possible. I got a lot of sleep too, which was great.

What I Did Well This Week:
1) Tracking, as I said. I was very careful to write down everything I ate and track the points for it. It really puts into perspective healthy choices and portion sizes. For example, a package of peanut M & Ms is more points than an entire can of tuna. I like both of them, but the M & Ms have zero nutritional payoff, whereas the tuna has lots of protein and healthy fats that will keep me full longer. Obviously, there will be times when I pick the M & Ms and that’s okay, but it makes you think about what kind of choices I make throughout the day.

What I Can Improve On:
1) Exercise. Obviously, because I was sick I wasn’t exercising but I had kind of fallen off the wagon over the last three weeks and I’d like to get back into a routine.
2) Sleep! I got sleep this week because of illness, but obviously that’s an anomaly. I need to make more of an effort to go to bed earlier and get a better, more consistent rest.

How I Feel:
I am feeling relatively positive about this, but I’ve had a lot of trouble with my anxiety this week, I don’t really know why. It’s really frustrating, it makes it hard to be motivated to do anything. I am trying though, one day at a time!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of October 25, 2015

Well. I’ve been really bad about updating this blog, haven’t I? Really, really bad. A lot – a LOT – has happened in the past two months.

  1. I moved. It was extremely stressful and, unfortunately, I found myself eating out a lot.
  2. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, put on medication and I started counselling. I have struggling with anxiety and depression for the past 17 years. That’s a long time to struggle, a very long time. I have been in counselling before, but this is my first time on medication. I was reluctant to go on medication, but this move triggered so much anxiety that I’m thankful that I am. Now that I’m not so stressed, hopefully I can get back to focusing on eating healthy and exercising.
  3. I started dance class. Full disclosure: I hate most exercise. Put me on a treadmill for half an hour? Utter torture. But put me in a dance class for three hours, I am happy as a clam. I also love to swim, so I’d like to swim on the days that I don’t dance, but I haven’t done that yet.

The last change, the biggest change, is that I am starting to accept myself as I am. To embrace how I look, right now, and to feel good about myself. I wanted, for a long time, to be a professional actress, but that always seemed like such a faraway goal, due to my weight. I started gaining weight when I was about 12, due to my condition, which is polycystic ovary syndrome, which can cause weight gain. Now, I did not gain weight solely because of this condition, I definitely had a hand in it myself, but it certainly didn’t help. So, for years and years, I have hated myself. I have tried so hard to lose weight to achieve this goal of being an actress, but every time I failed, I got so discouraged.

I realized earlier this year that acting is not for me. I’d gone on audition after audition, getting nothing, and I realized one day that I wasn’t having fun anymore. So, I decided to leave that behind and change my entire career. It is incredible how this decision has changed my life. While I still want to lose weight, I no longer feel the need to be Hollywood-skinny. I am happy to lose weight to be healthier and happier, and admittedly, so that I can feel better about how I look, but now I am beginning to appreciate that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that I do not have to fit into a box to feel confident and attractive and amazing.

Take Adele, for instance. I have no idea how much Adele weighs, but she’s clearly a bigger woman and I think she’s absolutely stunning. She is not skinny, far from it, but she is beautiful and confident. That is what I want, so that’s part of my major goal at this point in my life, to accept myself as I am and feel good about it. Now, let’s crunch numbers:

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 301.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.2
Bust: 51 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Hips: 53 inches

I’ve also decided to start taking photographs of my progress. I think this will help me, not only to have visual documentation, but also to try to appreciate the way that I look and learn to love myself, no matter what I see in the mirror. It’s scary, but here we go.

October 25, 2015 - Side October 25, 2015 - Arm October 25, 2015 -

Cheers and happy losing!!!

Progress Update – as of February 9, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 307.2 lbs
Loss: 0.7 lbs
Current BMI: 48.1
Loss: 0.1

We’re back on the losing streak again folks! It’s only a small loss, but hey, better than nothing! I didn’t really exercise – still trying to establish a routine and find the time – but I’m working on it!

What I Did Well This Week:
1) I really tried to make good choices in terms of what I was eating. I was in Chicago for part of last week, as I said, and sometimes, you just gotta try the local delicacies! (In this case, deep-dish pizza and soft pretzels.) But I did try to make good choices when I had the options, especially since I’ve been home!

What I Can Improve On:
1) An exercise routine is my numero uno priority! I know that a huge part of weight loss is what you eat, but I don’t want to just lose weight, I want to be fit and healthy and strong, so I have to get a move on.
2) I need to go to bed earlier. That is one of my major problems, not going to bed as early as I should and then feeling sluggish and tired the next day.

How I Feel:
Optimistic. Hopeful. Happy.

Cheers!!

Progress Update – as of January 19, 2015

So, I did something really dumb. I weighed myself on Monday and I forgot to write it down, like a ninny. So I’ll just do what I normally do and list what I did well etc.

What I Did Well This Week:
1) I have started creating a bedtime routine for myself: turning off electronics, washing my face and brushing my teeth, then sitting with a cup of chamomile tea and reading a book until it’s time for bed. I am getting more sleep, and better sleep at that, which is great.

What I Can Improve On:
1) It was my birthday last week (huzzah) and I have to say that I…enjoyed myself, to say the least. You all know what that means…birthday dinner with family, drinks with friends, drinks and dinner with other friends, and plenty of cake. I did try to make good choices when possible, but there are few healthy options at pubs, I have observed.
2) I need to exercise more. I did a little bit with a friend, but I still have been unsuccessful at establishing a routine for myself.

How I Feel:
Well, I enjoyed my birthday anyway, that was nice! But I need to get my stuff together if I want to get serious about weight loss, I know that. Hopefully I will fare better in the future…