Progress Update – as of January 30, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 310.6 lbs
Gain: 2.4 lbs
Current BMI: 48.6
Gain: 0.3

Sigh. I’m up again. Oh well. This week I ate out a lot, I think that’s why. I did try to make good choices, but when you eat out you usually vastly underestimate how many calories you’re consuming.

Emotionally, I’m doing okay, but it’s hard. It comes and goes and it probably will be that way for a long time, to be honest. I’m a very emotional, “heart on your sleeve” kind of person and I get very emotionally invested in the people and things that I care about. I also don’t deal very well with change.

I have a friend who has been incredible to me over the last couple of weeks, just listening and helping me sort out my feelings. She suggested to me that I get assessed for OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). People with OCD are usually portrayed in the media as germaphobes who are obsessed with order and cleanliness. Not true. It IS true that people with OCD can have compulsions such as washing their hands multiple times, but OCD is primarily an anxiety disorder which manifests itself in obsessive negative thoughts and chronic anxiety about disastrous things happen. Compulsions (such as hand washing, turning the light switch on and off multiple times) occur because they make those with OCD feel safe, they calm the anxious thoughts.

One of the symptoms of OCD is called “hyper-responsibility”, where you worry about your friends and family’s happiness to the point that it’s detrimental to your own. I always thought it was just my anxiety, but knowing that it could possibly be more than that is interesting. We will see how I go.

I realized that I totally forgot to post the update of my goals last week, so here goes:

Weekly Goal #1: Get 150 minutes of exercise a week. Update: Haven’t done this, not even close. However, it’s been absolutely beautiful out where I live, so I thought that I would go for a walk at lunch. Hopefully that will also help lighten my mood.
Weekly Goal #2: Eat breakfast every morning. Update: I’ve done really well with this so far, actually. Most mornings I have at least had a smoothie, so yay for me!
Weekly Goal #3: Daily dry brushing (twice daily). If you don’t know what dry brushing is, it’s using a dry body brush on your body to exfoliate your skin. It’s supposed to stimulate circulation, stimulate the lymphatic system, reduce cellulite and eliminate toxins. I don’t really believe that any of that is true, but it feels nice and it makes my skin really soft. Update: I haven’t done it twice daily, but I’ve done it most days. It hasn’t done anything for my cellulite and I doubt that it will, but exfoliating is good, so who cares?
Weekly Goal #4: Drink 2L of water very day. Update: Well, I don’t think I ever drank 2L and I didn’t do it every day, but I did drink more water than normal this week and I tried to choose water over other choices.

Weekly Goal #5: Get 8 hours of sleep a night. We will see how I do!

Cheers, happy losing!

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Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!

Time’s Fun When You’re Having Flies

Happy Birthday to PFG, happy birthday to PFG, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to PFG!

WordPress has kindly informed me that today marks two years since I started my blog. That’s both good and bad. Good because I’m still keeping up with it, it isn’t collecting dust like so many other projects in my life. Bad because, even though I’ve been doing this sort of regularly for two years, I haven’t made any actual progress.

Hands up, who here is an emotional eater? Me me me me me.

I love food. Who doesn’t? But food, to me, has always been more than just nourishment, more than just something yummy. It’s been a friend. A comfort. A soothing ointment for my wounds. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain of their lives, to fill the holes, to make them forget their misery; I used food. It’s easy to get, much easier for a young bullied kid to get than alcohol or drugs. It’s not suspicious. It’s not illegal. It’s much cheaper. And it’s everywhere, we are bombarded with it.

After he stops drinking, an alcoholic never has to go into a liquor store again. A ex-smoker doesn’t have to see cigarettes. A recovering drug addict can’t walk into a convenience store and buy cocaine or heroin or methamphetamines. But my drug is everywhere.

I can’t watch television without seeing advertisements for it. I can’t drive through town without seeing flashing signs trying to lure me. I can’t buy groceries without being bombarded with cookies, chips, ice cream and every sort of junk food imaginable. I’ve heard lots of people say “Just put down the fork” or equally rude things, but what they don’t understand is that food is something you can never escape from. I believe, wholeheartedly, that food addiction is a real addiction. Recovering addicts never have to smoke or drink or do drugs again. But I have to eat to stay alive, I have to go to grocery stores. I can never get away.

I ate a lot as an unhappy teenager because food never judged. It was always there, it made me happy and never betrayed me or made me feel embarrassed. I have found myself craving very bad things lately, trying to deal with depression and anxiety and I haven’t been eating as well as I should have. But I’m trying, that’s what matters.

Progress Update – as of September 6, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Weight: 294.3 lbs
Gain: 0.1 lbs
Current BMI: 46.1
Gain: 0

So, I skipped August 30, as you may have noticed. The past couple of weeks have been SUPER busy for many reasons: my brother’s birthday, acquiring a new kitten (he is the cutest little fluffball you ever did see!!!), picking apples and plums off the trees before they all fall AND, most importantly, preparations for my very best and oldest (we’ve been friends for 24 years!) friend’s wedding, which happened on September 6th in the mountains of Alberta. Normally when I don’t do a blog post for two weeks, I like to update with both days, but I honestly cannot remember August 30. I weighed myself, but I didn’t record the number (wedding prep drove pretty much everything else out of my mind) and so I have no idea. Oh well. 

What I Did Well This Week:
1) Well, not a lot. I’m frankly surprised that I only gained 0.1 lbs, given how little sleep and exercise I’ve gotten in the last two weeks. Not to mention that I haven’t been eating very well (the whole “no sugar” thing was a total bust) and then of course weddings mean FOOD (including the most delicious red velvet cupcake I’ve ever had in my life) and drinks. I have never had a rum and coke before the wedding and I have to say, I’m hooked! 

What I Can Improve On:
1) Now that the wedding is over, I really want to get back on track with my exercise and my eating and my sleep patterns. Cutting out sugar completely was a total mistake, as I went overboard later, but I am still hoping to reduce my sugar intake. 

How I Feel:
Pretty darn good, actually. The wedding was so wonderful, I had such a great time, and I am really hoping to use the positive energy from the weekend to help me with my goals. 

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of August 16, 2014 and August 23, 2014

Height: 5’7″

August 16:
Current Weight: 297.2 lbs
Gain: 5.3 lbs
Current BMI: 46.5
Gain: 0.8

August 23:
Current Weight: 294.2 lbs
Loss: 3.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.1
Loss: 0.4

So, an interesting couple of weeks. A big gain and a big (but smaller) loss. I should say that I don’t know why this happening, but I am sure I do. When I look back on my week, I remember making healthy choices and trying to exercise. However, I have not been tracking my food or exercise religiously like I used to and I think, like most people, when I’m not keeping track I vastly underestimate the amount of food that I’m eating and overestimate the amount of exercise, as well as my exertion level. Hence, the pounds sneak back on. 

What I Did Well This Week:
1) I thought I was making healthy choices. Maybe I wasn’t, but I’m trying, that’s the key. 

What I Can Improve On:
1) Same old, same old. Better eating, more sleep, more exercise. My main thing is sugar. I love sugar. (Who doesn’t?) I love to bake, it’s my Achilles’ heel. So, for the next week, I am trying to do NO sugar. It’s going to be hard. I don’t want to never have sugar ever again, but I really need to reduce my intake. So, let’s see, let’s see if I can do no sugar for awhile and then gradually put it back into my life. 

How I Feel:
More mad at myself than discouraged. I know what I need to do to lose weight, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to do so. I think the reason that I did so well when I was travelling was because a) I didn’t have a car, so I had to either walk or bus (which required planning) everywhere I went and b) I wasn’t working, I spent my days walking around tourist sites. I am finding it difficult to balance my work with my life responsibilities and trying to squeeze in exercise on top of that is proving to be even harder. Truthfully, I could make time for exercise, but I’m so exhausted when I get home from work that it’s extremely difficult to motivate myself to do anything besides just relaxing on the couch. The silver lining in this is that, even though I bus to work, I walk to and from the bus station almost every day, so I usually get at least a 20 minute walk in every day. Not much, but it’s something. 

Cheers, happy losing! 

Progress Update – as of July 17, 2014 and July 24, 2014

Height: 5’7″

July 17:
Current Weight: 287.8 lbs
Loss: 1.4 lbs
Current BMI: 45.1
Loss: 0.2

July 24:
Current Weight: 290.3 lbs
Gain: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 45.5
Gain: 0.4

Ugh. So. Another gain. Not going to lie, I am feeling frustrated. I’m not really that surprised though, I have been having a really difficult time juggling work and exercise, as I’m always exhausted when I get home from work and I haven’t yet been able to get up early enough in the morning to fit in a workout before I have to leave. When my exercise routine goes kaput, I sometimes find that my eating follows suit. I am trying very hard to keep going and not just throw in the towel like I have done in the past, but it’s hard. Anyway…

What I Did Well This Week:
1) Uh, not a lot. Everything kind of went cuckoo – not enough sleep, eating less fruits and veggies, not exercising. Just an all around bad week.

What I Can Improve On:
1) Everything. Getting more sleep, eating better, exercising more. All of it. That’s the plan this week.

How I Feel:
Discouraged, but not ready to quit. I know that I just need to keep putting one foot forward. I think that I need to just start thinking of things in shorter terms, just taking it for one day at a time. The idea of exercising everyday and eating really well forever can be really daunting, but I am going to try to think of it in shorter terms. Just for today, I can.

Also, I have started swimming with one of my best friends, Moog (check out her blog mamamoogie.wordpress.com) and I sincerely hope that this can be a weekly occurence. We have done it 3 times now and we’re really hoping to make it a weekly habit. I usually workout by myself, but I am finding that I really enjoy having company, it’s been really nice.

Cheers and happy losing!

Progress Update – as of June 26, 2014 and July 3, 2014

Height: 5’7″

June 26:
Current Weight: 289.2 lbs
Gain: 2.2 lbs
Current BMI: 45.3
Gain: 0.4

July 3:
Current Weight: 289.2 lbs
Loss: 0 lbs
Current BMI: 45.3
Loss: 0

Uh, so I’m a ding dong. I definitely thought that I posted this, but I only saved it in drafts. Oops! Anyway…

So over the last couple of weeks I have gained a couple of pounds. The first weight gain was honestly kind of a shocker, I thought I had done really well that week and so when I got on the scale and had gained 2 lbs I was really quite thrown. But oh well, what are you going to do? All I could do was keep going.

When I weighed myself today, I was honestly surprised that I didn’t gain any weight. I was away at a family reunion for the weekend. Naturally, reunions mean food and, given how big my family is, LOTS of it. I did as well as could in terms of choosing healthy foods over the weekend (I was also at a rodeo) but it was rather difficult, so I was really surprised that I didn’t see a gain. I also didn’t really exercise at all, I came down with a terrible head cold and was just feeling pretty horrific.

What I Did Well This Week:

1) I worked really hard at making good choices, food wise. I am honest to goodness addicted to sugar. I really am. So this week, I tried very, very hard to limit my sugar intake and to focus instead of eating more fruits and vegetables.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Exercise, mainly. There is definitely room for improvement in my diet, but at this point in time I think that I really need to focus on fitting exercise in. Some people can lose weight just by changing their diet, but I personally find that exercise is vital for me to lose. Plus it means that I can get away with eating more food 😉

How I Feel:

Pretty good, to be honest. I am finding it easier to make good choices with food these days. I still most definitely get cravings and sometimes I find it difficult to not have ALL the ice cream, but the deafening roar that used to demand that I stuff my face is slowly being silenced. And the good angel on my shoulder encouraging me to eat good food is definitely making a great case. I am looking forward to my next weigh-in! (Who even says that? I’m such a weirdo.)