Progress Update – as of February 6 and 13, 2016

Height: 5’7″

February 6, 2016
Current Weight: 311.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.8
Gain: 0.2
Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 57.5 inches (+ 1.5 inches)
Hips: 56 inches

February 13, 2016
Current Weight: 313.0 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.0
Gain: 0.2

So, I’m up again. I’m not surprised, this week I was so incredibly busy, I feel like I didn’t have a second to myself. I had commitments every single night, several of which included dinners. I didn’t really cook at all this week, I bought my lunch a lot because I got home so late every night, so it’s completely my fault. Oh well.

I supposedly added 1.5 inches to my waist, but I’m not entirely sure if I believe my measurements, I find it’s very difficult to hold the actual measuring tape the same way every time, so for that small a different, I’m not worried.

I had a good and bad week this week. I was still feeling pretty lost and down in the dumps, but a friend of mine did a tarot card reading for me on Monday. I don’t really believe in any of that stuff, but it was still kind of fun. She has been through depression too and she keeps trying to remind me, whenever I’m feeling down, to banish the negative self-talk. It’s something that I’ve done for years, so it’s very difficult to do, but I am trying.

I also had a really wonderful talk with a friend of mine. He got angry with me the other day for being so negative about myself, so he asked me to come over so we could talk about it, which was so nice. He wanted me to know that he was there for me and that I’m not alone and that just because this one man rejected me doesn’t mean that I have nothing to offer or that I am not worthy of love. It seems obvious, but sometimes it’s really hard to believe that I am a person of worth.

I’m not going to list my goals on here anymore, I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to change too many things at once. I mentioned this in my last post, but I’m a very “all for nothing” kind of person and I find it really hard to forgive myself when I make mistakes. So I’m just going for the simple approach this week and doing my best to live a healthy lifestyle: drinking water, eating as healthy as I can, trying to get in 10,000 steps a day and trying to get lots of sleep. And, most importantly, learning to forgive myself!

Cheers, happy losing!

 

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Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 9, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 304.2 lbs
Loss: 1.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.6
Loss: 0.3

Wahoo, another loss! I’m a little surprised, since obviously my ability to exercise has been compromised, but hey, I will take it! I have been trying hard to make good choices about eating and to get lots of sleep and drink more water, which is perhaps what made the difference.

My ankle has been sore, obviously, but it’s feeling a lot better these past few days, since I’ve been resting it. I am hoping to get into an exercise routine this week, perhaps swimming, so we will see how that goes.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: So, I obviously didn’t follow through on this, due to the unforeseen circumstances, but this week hopefully I can! 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of January 2, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 305.9
Loss: 3.0 lbs
Current BMI: 47.9
Loss: 0.5
Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 56 inches
Hips: 56 inches

Well, what a great start to the new year! To be honest, I am a bit surprised that I lost so much, I wasn’t that great about exercising or eating but HEY, I will take it!

I’ve been feeling pretty good these last few days. My mood has been all over the place for the last few months, but recently I’ve become interested in the Body Positive movement. If you haven’t ever heard of that, it’s basically the idea that you should love yourself, no matter what you look like or where you are in your journey, and that your weight shouldn’t control your life. Some people think that the movement “glorifies obesity”, but I don’t think so. It’s ridiculous to pretend that being overweight automatically makes someone incredibly unhealthy or means they can’t be fit, and overweight people should not be made to feel ashamed of themselves. I think that’s something that’s taken me a long time to realize, that just because I am overweight doesn’t mean that I have to hate myself or that I don’t deserve happiness or self-acceptance. 

It seems ridiculously simple, but it’s not. We are conditioned to believe that fat is bad and that being overweight somehow makes us bad people and that we should be ashamed of being fat. But I’m tired of being ashamed. Have I made some bad choices that have led me down that path? Of course. Is the lifestyle that I lead healthy? Not really, I don’t get enough exercise or sleep or eat enough good food. Do I want to lose weight? Yes. But why should I be made to feel that I don’t deserve to live a full and happy life because I don’t (currently) fit what society has deemed attractive? My health is my business and, aside from being physically unfit, I am in perfect health: my blood pressure and cholesterol are perfect, my eyesight is excellent, my bones are in good shape, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs etc. Not all skinny people can say that.

So, this year, I am trying to love myself. I used to have an “ideal” weight that I wanted to achieve, but now I don’t have a specific number in mind, I just want to feel good. The body positive movement shows beautiful and amazing people of all shapes and sizes and it made me realize that I do not have to match a number on the scale to feel good about myself. I do want to become fitter, which I know will result in weight loss, but I no longer feel that I need to be skinny or fit into a certain size dress to be beautiful and awesome and wonderful. There are so many incredibly stunning and amazingly talented people who are not super skinny and I am so happy to finally realize this. I have a personal instagram, but I’m also considering making a PrettyFatGirl instagram account where I can post photos of my progress as well as photos/quotes etc. that I find inspiring. Stay tuned!

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week

Cheers, happy losing!

 

Progress Update – as of December 26, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.9 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.4
Loss: 0.2

Last weigh-in of 2015, wahoo! Here’s to a great 2016!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, I certainly did! I’m honestly very surprised that I lost anything this past week, given all of the mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, chocolate, sparkling apple juice (so good!) and pavlova (a traditional New Zealand meringue dish, served with whip cream and fruit) that I consumed. Not going to lie, I did not eat very well at all. I’m assuming it’s water weight, because I didn’t exercise at all either. Ah well, down is better than up!

It’s the time to make New Year’s Resolutions once again. I always make a million of these, but I rarely stick to them. I think my problem is that I try to start them all at the same time – less sugar, more water, daily exercise, more sleep, more green tea, daily yoga – and I overwhelm myself. So this year, instead, I’m going to try to do one new thing a week. Week 1, maybe I’ll try to get in 150 minutes of exercise over the course of the week. Week 2, maybe I’ll drink more water. And so forth!

I’m planning to list these weekly goals on each of my posts, so I can keep myself accountable and can update you all on my progress!

Cheers, Happy New Year!

Progress Update – as of December 19, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 310.1 lbs
Gain: 8.9 lbs
Current BMI: 48.6
Gain: 1.4

So, I’m up again. And I haven’t updated in ages! I’m not surprised, I’ve been so incredibly busy the last few weeks it seems like I haven’t had a moment to breathe.

I’ve also been absolutely exhausted. I try to go to bed early, but it always seems like there are things going on so that I don’t get into bed until after midnight, then I’m so exhausted the next day that I’ve been falling asleep after work. It’s not good. I don’t think that I’m diabetic, as had been suggested to me, but I do think that I need to go to bed earlier and that I need to exercise. I also kind of wonder if I have sleep apnea, I know it’s very common if you’re overweight – particularly if you have excess belly fat, as I do – but I do not want to have to invest in one of those huge machines, so I’m hoping that with regular exercise and weight loss, the fatigue will disappear.

For the past couple of months, I have been attempting to follow the Weight Watchers PointsPlus program. I like the program in general, my issues with it have been with the way they deal with fat and carbs. Recently, as some of you may know, they overhauled the entire program, it’s now called SmartPoints and they’ve changed the way they calculate food, focusing for the first time on saturated vs. unsaturated fat and carbs vs. sugar. Personally, I am thrilled, I think they’re really encouraging people to make healthy choices, not just things that are low in points, which sometimes weren’t the healthiest. A cup of chocolate milk, for example, used to be as many points as a can of Coca-Cola, because they both had so much sugar. Now, the Coke is more, as it should be, because it has zero nutritional value. I have signed up for this program, so we shall see how that goes.

Hope all of your Christmas plans are coming along nicely! I feel like December has just flown by, I am not even close to being ready for Christmas!

Time’s Fun When You’re Having Flies

Happy Birthday to PFG, happy birthday to PFG, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to PFG!

WordPress has kindly informed me that today marks two years since I started my blog. That’s both good and bad. Good because I’m still keeping up with it, it isn’t collecting dust like so many other projects in my life. Bad because, even though I’ve been doing this sort of regularly for two years, I haven’t made any actual progress.

Hands up, who here is an emotional eater? Me me me me me.

I love food. Who doesn’t? But food, to me, has always been more than just nourishment, more than just something yummy. It’s been a friend. A comfort. A soothing ointment for my wounds. Some people turn to drugs or alcohol to dull the pain of their lives, to fill the holes, to make them forget their misery; I used food. It’s easy to get, much easier for a young bullied kid to get than alcohol or drugs. It’s not suspicious. It’s not illegal. It’s much cheaper. And it’s everywhere, we are bombarded with it.

After he stops drinking, an alcoholic never has to go into a liquor store again. A ex-smoker doesn’t have to see cigarettes. A recovering drug addict can’t walk into a convenience store and buy cocaine or heroin or methamphetamines. But my drug is everywhere.

I can’t watch television without seeing advertisements for it. I can’t drive through town without seeing flashing signs trying to lure me. I can’t buy groceries without being bombarded with cookies, chips, ice cream and every sort of junk food imaginable. I’ve heard lots of people say “Just put down the fork” or equally rude things, but what they don’t understand is that food is something you can never escape from. I believe, wholeheartedly, that food addiction is a real addiction. Recovering addicts never have to smoke or drink or do drugs again. But I have to eat to stay alive, I have to go to grocery stores. I can never get away.

I ate a lot as an unhappy teenager because food never judged. It was always there, it made me happy and never betrayed me or made me feel embarrassed. I have found myself craving very bad things lately, trying to deal with depression and anxiety and I haven’t been eating as well as I should have. But I’m trying, that’s what matters.