Progress Update – as of January 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Gain: 5.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Gain: 0.9

I’m not going to lie. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It was my birthday, but that’s not why, thankfully. My birthday was wonderful, my coworkers took me out for lunch and bought me a birthday cake and a card and then I had a lovely dinner with my family and had birthday cake. That was all fine.

I weighed in on Saturday and gained, obviously. So that was unfortunate. I did indulge myself on my birthday, but I thought that I ate well for the first part of the week to make up for that. I guess not! I didn’t exercise either. I just seemed to have a million and one things to do this week, plus I was nervous about something that I did on Sunday, which I addressed in the latest post.

I told the man that I love how I felt. And was shot down. I thought he liked me, but apparently I read everything he did WAY wrong. So to say that I am upset is the understatement of the year. BUT I refuse to fall back into old habits. In the past, whenever I was upset, what did I do? Eat. I would eat. And not carrot sticks either. Donuts, fast food, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, cake…anything to soothe the pain. It was my drug of choice, just like some people choose alcohol or drugs.

But I’m not going to let that happen. I’m giving myself this week to wallow (which means I’ve been getting a lot of sleep!) but I have been watching what I’m eating and next week I’m hoping to work out my pain with exercise. So hurrah.

Week 1 Goal: Get 150 minutes of exercise this week – UPDATE: I haven’t done this at all, for either of the weeks. 

Week 2 Goal: Eat breakfast every morning – UPDATE: I did very well on this! I think there was only one day where I didn’t eat breakfast. Considering that I never eat breakfast, this was a definite success.

Week 3 Goal: Drink 2L of water every day

Cheers, happy losing!

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A Heavy Heart

I haven’t updated yet this week, as you probably noticed. I will tomorrow, I promise.

This week has been weird. It was my birthday on Thursday and I had an incredible, amazing day full of love from coworkers, friends and family alike. But, at the same time, I was so nervous because I decided that on Sunday, the 17th, that I would tell the man that I am in love with that I have feelings for him.

That was today. It didn’t go so well.

I have known him for six months. We clicked instantly on the day that we met and started hanging out and talking (almost daily). I told ALL of my friends about him, how much I liked him, how much we have in common and then today, I told him that I have feelings for him.

His response? That I’m a great friend, but he isn’t “looking for anything”. Ouch. He was nice about it and everything, and I’m not going to stop being his friend, but MAN, it hurt. It still does. And I’m sure it will for a long time. So I’m allowing myself to be depressed and to cry and to wallow because I think I need it for right now. So forgive me if I’m not as prompt as normal with my entries.