Goal Setting – or – How to Fail at It

So. As you may have noticed, I have not yet updated my progress for this week. Partly because this week seems to be crazy with work and my real life, so I feel like I haven’t had a second to do so. But I wanted to reflect.

I am a planner. I am one of those people who just LOVES to plan. I love lists, I love getting organized. But when it comes to exercise and getting fit, I have never been able to be a doer. I don’t consider myself a lazy person by any means, but for some reason, eating right and getting exercise is the one area of my life where I can’t seem to light a fire under my butt.

I have been pondering, lately, why that is. Since I’ve had such an emotional last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, trying to figure out who I am and what I want and where I should go from here. I realized, upon reflection, how utterly terrified I am.

Most people who know me would consider me to be outgoing, loud and spontaneous. That, however, is only because they know me well, so I allow myself to be my true self around them. People who went to school with me would describe me as shy, reserved and quiet, adjectives which I don’t think describe me at all. But they do. Because I am afraid. I am afraid of being wrong. I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid of being thought of as stupid or ignorant or unlikable, so I keep my mouth shut and I don’t take risks.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’m afraid to lose weight. I really DO want to, but something has held me back in a way that it hasn’t in other areas of my life. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll fail? Maybe it’s easier to just give up? I’m not sure yet. I’m investigating, I’ve been doing a lot of journaling lately.

I think a lot of it is that I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with life and the demands of the people around me. Overwhelmed at my job. Overwhelmed with the prospect of going back to school and the financial burden I am taking on because of that. Overwhelmed with the amount of information constantly being thrown my way regarding weight loss and health: “Eat this! It’s the best thing ever!” “Just kidding, it’s the worst! Eat this instead!”

I have been looking up a lot of workouts and trying to figure out which ones I want to do, but I haven’t done ANY of them because I honestly don’t know where to start. Everybody thinks that their workout is “the best” and trying to incorporate ALL of them into my life has just stressed me out. So I think I’m going back to basics: basic weights, basic cardio. There are so many incredible workouts that I’d like to try, but for now, I’ll just start at the bottom and work my way up.

I’m also going to cut back on my goal-setting. I thought that one new goal a week wouldn’t overwhelm me, but it has, and I’ve fallen way behind. One step at a time.

Just keep swimming.

 

Advertisements

Bad News and a Challenge

So, yesterday, something very unfortunate happened: I broke my ankle.

It’s not a bad break, it’s just a tiny little fracture, so I don’t require a big cast or surgery or anything like that, but it’s still enough to derail me a little bit. I have been instructed to wear a brace 24/7 and to stay off it as much as possible.

The first thing I thought when I found out was “oh crap, how am I going to work out?” but after thinking about it, there is still stuff that I can do. I am not able to do the treadmill, the elliptical or any kind of weight-bearing activity, really, BUT I can still do core and upper-body exercises and lower-body exercises like leg lifts, glute bridges and maybe lunges if I am very careful. As for cardio – swimming! I will have to be careful not to do any vigorous kicking or anything like that, and of course if it really starts to hurt I will ease off, but it’s a great full-body workout that I can do without putting any weight on my ankle.

I am hoping it heals quickly and heals well, but I will not let this be an excuse!

Cheers!

Progress Update – as of December 26, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.9 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.4
Loss: 0.2

Last weigh-in of 2015, wahoo! Here’s to a great 2016!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, I certainly did! I’m honestly very surprised that I lost anything this past week, given all of the mashed potatoes, turkey, stuffing, chocolate, sparkling apple juice (so good!) and pavlova (a traditional New Zealand meringue dish, served with whip cream and fruit) that I consumed. Not going to lie, I did not eat very well at all. I’m assuming it’s water weight, because I didn’t exercise at all either. Ah well, down is better than up!

It’s the time to make New Year’s Resolutions once again. I always make a million of these, but I rarely stick to them. I think my problem is that I try to start them all at the same time – less sugar, more water, daily exercise, more sleep, more green tea, daily yoga – and I overwhelm myself. So this year, instead, I’m going to try to do one new thing a week. Week 1, maybe I’ll try to get in 150 minutes of exercise over the course of the week. Week 2, maybe I’ll drink more water. And so forth!

I’m planning to list these weekly goals on each of my posts, so I can keep myself accountable and can update you all on my progress!

Cheers, Happy New Year!

Life is a Highway

Life is a highway, I’m gonna ride it all night long…

The above quote is a song lyric from “Life is a Highway” by Tom Cochrane. I feel like that lately, not so much that life is a highway, but that it’s a rollercoaster.

My mood is so unpredictable these days, it’s really very frustrating. Some days I feel great, I feel hopefully, I feel happy. Other days I feel hopeless, that life isn’t worth living, that the future is bleak and I all want to do is lay in bed and cry. Those days are really hard.

I’m trying. I’m trying very hard to stay positive and keep my head above water, but when it’s so unpredictable it’s hard to keep that up day to day. I tend to be a planner, so just taking it day by day is really a difficult concept for me.

We’ll see. I’m hoping that I can make it work.