Progress Update – as of February 20 and 27, 2016

Height: 5’7″

February 20, 2016
Current Weight: 315.3 lbs
Gain: 2.3 lbs
Current BMI: 49.4
Gain: 0.4

February 27, 2016
Current Weight: 312.6 lbs
Loss: 2.7 lbs
Current BMI: 49.0
Loss: 0.4

Hurray, we’re down again! The past few weeks have been very difficult, emotionally, and the last thing that I’ve wanted to do is work out or eat healthy. I have tried very hard to make good choices as often as possible, but I find that cooking and preparing meals are the first things to go when I’m sad, so I’ve been eating out a lot lately, much more than I should.

One thing that has changed is exercise. I’m still not exercising as much as I probably should be, but I have been going for walks during my lunch hour at work (usually 30 minute walks), and I go down with my coworker every two hours to move her car, so we take the stairs on this little trips instead of the elevator. I’ve also started wearing a pedometer, which I think has made me aware of how little I move during an average day ad how much more I need to be active.

The weather is also helping, it’s been absolutely GORGEOUS where I live. Spring is coming and being outside in the fresh air for those little walks has really made me feel a lot happier. I think I’m going to try to walk outside as often as possible. I need to engage in more intense exercise than walking in order to see real weight loss, I know, but being outside in the fresh air and sunshine makes me feel great and, at the end of the day, going for a walk, even if it’s not intense, is still better than sitting in my office chair all day and on the couch all night.

Cheers, happy losing!


Goal Setting – or – How to Fail at It

So. As you may have noticed, I have not yet updated my progress for this week. Partly because this week seems to be crazy with work and my real life, so I feel like I haven’t had a second to do so. But I wanted to reflect.

I am a planner. I am one of those people who just LOVES to plan. I love lists, I love getting organized. But when it comes to exercise and getting fit, I have never been able to be a doer. I don’t consider myself a lazy person by any means, but for some reason, eating right and getting exercise is the one area of my life where I can’t seem to light a fire under my butt.

I have been pondering, lately, why that is. Since I’ve had such an emotional last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, trying to figure out who I am and what I want and where I should go from here. I realized, upon reflection, how utterly terrified I am.

Most people who know me would consider me to be outgoing, loud and spontaneous. That, however, is only because they know me well, so I allow myself to be my true self around them. People who went to school with me would describe me as shy, reserved and quiet, adjectives which I don’t think describe me at all. But they do. Because I am afraid. I am afraid of being wrong. I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid of being thought of as stupid or ignorant or unlikable, so I keep my mouth shut and I don’t take risks.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’m afraid to lose weight. I really DO want to, but something has held me back in a way that it hasn’t in other areas of my life. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll fail? Maybe it’s easier to just give up? I’m not sure yet. I’m investigating, I’ve been doing a lot of journaling lately.

I think a lot of it is that I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with life and the demands of the people around me. Overwhelmed at my job. Overwhelmed with the prospect of going back to school and the financial burden I am taking on because of that. Overwhelmed with the amount of information constantly being thrown my way regarding weight loss and health: “Eat this! It’s the best thing ever!” “Just kidding, it’s the worst! Eat this instead!”

I have been looking up a lot of workouts and trying to figure out which ones I want to do, but I haven’t done ANY of them because I honestly don’t know where to start. Everybody thinks that their workout is “the best” and trying to incorporate ALL of them into my life has just stressed me out. So I think I’m going back to basics: basic weights, basic cardio. There are so many incredible workouts that I’d like to try, but for now, I’ll just start at the bottom and work my way up.

I’m also going to cut back on my goal-setting. I thought that one new goal a week wouldn’t overwhelm me, but it has, and I’ve fallen way behind. One step at a time.

Just keep swimming.


Life is a Highway

Life is a highway, I’m gonna ride it all night long…

The above quote is a song lyric from “Life is a Highway” by Tom Cochrane. I feel like that lately, not so much that life is a highway, but that it’s a rollercoaster.

My mood is so unpredictable these days, it’s really very frustrating. Some days I feel great, I feel hopefully, I feel happy. Other days I feel hopeless, that life isn’t worth living, that the future is bleak and I all want to do is lay in bed and cry. Those days are really hard.

I’m trying. I’m trying very hard to stay positive and keep my head above water, but when it’s so unpredictable it’s hard to keep that up day to day. I tend to be a planner, so just taking it day by day is really a difficult concept for me.

We’ll see. I’m hoping that I can make it work.

The Daily Grind

I think that I’m going to start blogging my often. I have generally only used this blog as a weigh-in blog, but I think that’s a mistake.

I am a very emotional, very sensitive person. Despite this, I feel very uncomfortable talking about my feelings much of the time. I feel like I am burdening other people when I do, which is probably why I have struggled with depression for so many years, because I never tell anyone how I am feeling.

Journaling has been recommended to me as a way to deal with anxiety and depression. Truth be told, I hate journaling. Ironically, when I write for myself, I prefer to do so with pen and paper, but with journaling I find physically writing it down to be so tedious. Not to mention that I am hideously disorganized and so I have about a dozen journals scattered around my house and not a clue where they are.

So this will become my journal. I think it’s more interesting anyway, it gives a better picture of my whole journey and me as a person, instead of just someone who weighs in every week.

So cheers friends, I’m looking forward to interacting more with you all.

Progress Update – as of March 19 and 26, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight (March 19): 296.3 lbs
Gain: 0.3 lbs
Current BMI (March 19): 46.4
Gain: 0

Current Weight (March 26): 294.3 lbs
Loss: 2.0 lbs
Current BMI (March 26): 46.1
Loss: 0.3

Sorry for the delay this week folks, my life has been a bit of a whirlwind for the last couple of weeks. As you may know by now, I am in New Zealand! I wanted to take time to write on here, but the sun was shining and there were lovely beaches calling me, so I found myself putting the computer down and going outside. Ah well. I will try to keep up this week, but I am no longer staying with relatives, as I’m bouncing around the countryside and the wi-fi is a bit spotty.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I have been eating really well. I am staying in hostels at the moment, so it’s not like I’m cooking up sumptuous meals (and I’m a germaphobe, but that’s another story) but I’ve got apples and carrots and yogurt and milk and good bread and PB&J (all natural, no added salt or sugar or other crap) so I’m doing okay. However, before I started travelling around, I was staying with relatives. Relatives who happen to grow a whole bunch of produce in their garden and who have their own chickens and who are very health-conscious and only buy the best (meaning organic) of everything, so meals with them were lovely, always really healthy, high-quality ingredients with tons and tons of vegetables and fruit.

2) I have been exercising like crazy. Not like what I normally do, which is weights and rowing and treadmill, but just walking everywhere and being an active tourist, as opposed to sitting inside and watching television all day. New Zealand is also very hilly, which has meant some hiking with STEEP climbs (which either means hundreds of built-in stairs or steep stretches of path), which of course makes my legs burn and makes me sweat like crazy. By the time I go back home (for Christmas), I am going to have a butt that you can bounce quarters off. I also find that I am really enjoying the exercise. (Well, mostly, let’s not get carried away here.) For example, just today I went on a 3 km hike around Wai O Tapu, which is a “geothermal wonderland” (their words, not mine). Basically, New Zealand is a volcanic country with lots of geothermal activity and so there are lots of places where you can hike around huge pieces of land and see geysers, boiling mud pools, sulphur caves, mineral lakes etc. etc. That is what I did today and, because I wanted to see everything, I did the longest hike. I was swearing a blue streak under my (heaving) breath at one point, as I was confronted with what seemed like a thousand stairs, but for the most part it was really enjoyable. I like being outside and hiking through nature, so I’m hoping to do a lot more of that in the future.

3) I have been getting a lot of sleep. The time difference has really helped me, to be honest. At home, I would often stay up late at night a) talking to friends (thanks Facebook!) or b) watching Netflix. Here, I am five hours behind, so if I’m talking to people at night, they have usually gone to bed by 8:00 here. And you can’t get Netflix here and I have yet to find something to bypass that hurdle that doesn’t make my computer slow to a crawl. So I’ve been going to bed at a decent time and then getting up early in the morning to SEIZE THE DAY and see and do as many things as possible. This going to bed at a good time and doing a lot during the day has changed my schedule so that I’m actually tired by 10:00 pm and I go to bed. It’s a good system.

What I Can Improve On:

1) There is always room for improvement, of course, but I have been doing so well that I think my goals for the upcoming weeks are just going to be to keep doing what I’m doing.

How I Feel:

Great! And my stress level is back to normal, since now I don’t have to worry about packing or cleaning or all that stuff. I am normally one of those people who has trips planned to the last second, but this time around I am just kind of going with the flow. I have so much time here, I’m just allowing myself to relax and not feel like I have to cram absolutely everything in, it is lovely.

As of right now, I no longer have access to a scale. I suspect that this will be the case for the next couple of weeks, so I will just continue to post as normal, without the weight. I am hoping to buy a measuring tape though (something I forgot to bring!) so that I can do measurements, but we’ll see how it goes.

Bye for now!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 296.0 lbs
Gain: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.4
Gain: 0.2

This week was even more stressful than the last two weeks and it apparently got the better of me. But no matter, because I am now on my way to New Zealand!! I am sitting in the Vancouver airport as we speak, waiting for my flight out. It is very exciting.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I got a lot of sleep, so that’s something. But that’s about it, I didn’t track or eat well really, nor did I exercise.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Everything, in a nutshell.

How I Feel:

Hopeful!!! Very, very, very hopeful. Why, you might ask? Well, because I have a lot of bad eating habits. I have been working hard to conquer those, but like anyone, I am not perfect. In New Zealand, I will not have access to a vehicle, so I won’t be able to run out late at night to grab a burger or whatever. Additionally, eating out in New Zealand is expensive, so I plan to cook as much as possible to save money and that, of course, means that I can pick exactly what is going into my meals and thus ensure that I am eating lots of nutritious food. I also plan to do a lot of hiking and walking around NZ. It’s a gorgeous country and going hiking or walking is a great (and free!) way to see the country. I bought myself a new camera recently, so I’m looking forward to going on nice walks and getting some great snapshots.

Note: I do not know if I will have access to a scale from now on. I will be staying with family for a bit, then hosteling about, then hopefully getting an apartment, but I don’t know if there will be scales at any of my relative’s houses or if my potential roommates will have one. I doubt I will buy one myself, so it’s possible that I won’t be able to actually weigh in regularly. However, I will continue to update and measure every week (or more) so no worries!

Progress Update – as of March 5, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 295.0 lbs
Gain: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.2
Gain: 0.2
Bust: 50 in.
Waist: 56 in.
Hips: 51.5 in.
Pants/Dress Size: 18

So, this week, once again, stress got the better of me. I leave in 3 days (!!!!!) and so right now, much as it annoys me, my focus is on getting ready instead of exercise. I guess that means a gain this week, but oh well. I can concentrate on my weight loss efforts when I don’t have to worry about cleaning or packing anymore.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) To be honest, not a lot. My computer crashed, so I didn’t track this week and I didn’t really eat that well and I didn’t exercise or get a lot of sleep…

What I Can Improve On:

1) Basically everything: tracking, eating right, exercising, getting more sleep, drinking more liquids etc. I am looking forward to not being so stressed!

How I Feel:

Stressed!!! I am annoyed that my weight loss has basically been stagnant for a month but it’s not a top priority for me right now, so oh well!