Goal Setting – or – How to Fail at It

So. As you may have noticed, I have not yet updated my progress for this week. Partly because this week seems to be crazy with work and my real life, so I feel like I haven’t had a second to do so. But I wanted to reflect.

I am a planner. I am one of those people who just LOVES to plan. I love lists, I love getting organized. But when it comes to exercise and getting fit, I have never been able to be a doer. I don’t consider myself a lazy person by any means, but for some reason, eating right and getting exercise is the one area of my life where I can’t seem to light a fire under my butt.

I have been pondering, lately, why that is. Since I’ve had such an emotional last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, trying to figure out who I am and what I want and where I should go from here. I realized, upon reflection, how utterly terrified I am.

Most people who know me would consider me to be outgoing, loud and spontaneous. That, however, is only because they know me well, so I allow myself to be my true self around them. People who went to school with me would describe me as shy, reserved and quiet, adjectives which I don’t think describe me at all. But they do. Because I am afraid. I am afraid of being wrong. I am afraid of being judged. I am afraid of being thought of as stupid or ignorant or unlikable, so I keep my mouth shut and I don’t take risks.

I can’t pinpoint exactly why I’m afraid to lose weight. I really DO want to, but something has held me back in a way that it hasn’t in other areas of my life. Maybe I’m afraid I’ll fail? Maybe it’s easier to just give up? I’m not sure yet. I’m investigating, I’ve been doing a lot of journaling lately.

I think a lot of it is that I am feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with life and the demands of the people around me. Overwhelmed at my job. Overwhelmed with the prospect of going back to school and the financial burden I am taking on because of that. Overwhelmed with the amount of information constantly being thrown my way regarding weight loss and health: “Eat this! It’s the best thing ever!” “Just kidding, it’s the worst! Eat this instead!”

I have been looking up a lot of workouts and trying to figure out which ones I want to do, but I haven’t done ANY of them because I honestly don’t know where to start. Everybody thinks that their workout is “the best” and trying to incorporate ALL of them into my life has just stressed me out. So I think I’m going back to basics: basic weights, basic cardio. There are so many incredible workouts that I’d like to try, but for now, I’ll just start at the bottom and work my way up.

I’m also going to cut back on my goal-setting. I thought that one new goal a week wouldn’t overwhelm me, but it has, and I’ve fallen way behind. One step at a time.

Just keep swimming.

 

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Progress Update – as of March 12, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 296.0 lbs
Gain: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.4
Gain: 0.2

This week was even more stressful than the last two weeks and it apparently got the better of me. But no matter, because I am now on my way to New Zealand!! I am sitting in the Vancouver airport as we speak, waiting for my flight out. It is very exciting.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I got a lot of sleep, so that’s something. But that’s about it, I didn’t track or eat well really, nor did I exercise.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Everything, in a nutshell.

How I Feel:

Hopeful!!! Very, very, very hopeful. Why, you might ask? Well, because I have a lot of bad eating habits. I have been working hard to conquer those, but like anyone, I am not perfect. In New Zealand, I will not have access to a vehicle, so I won’t be able to run out late at night to grab a burger or whatever. Additionally, eating out in New Zealand is expensive, so I plan to cook as much as possible to save money and that, of course, means that I can pick exactly what is going into my meals and thus ensure that I am eating lots of nutritious food. I also plan to do a lot of hiking and walking around NZ. It’s a gorgeous country and going hiking or walking is a great (and free!) way to see the country. I bought myself a new camera recently, so I’m looking forward to going on nice walks and getting some great snapshots.

Note: I do not know if I will have access to a scale from now on. I will be staying with family for a bit, then hosteling about, then hopefully getting an apartment, but I don’t know if there will be scales at any of my relative’s houses or if my potential roommates will have one. I doubt I will buy one myself, so it’s possible that I won’t be able to actually weigh in regularly. However, I will continue to update and measure every week (or more) so no worries!

Progress Update – as of March 5, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 295.0 lbs
Gain: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 46.2
Gain: 0.2
Bust: 50 in.
Waist: 56 in.
Hips: 51.5 in.
Pants/Dress Size: 18

So, this week, once again, stress got the better of me. I leave in 3 days (!!!!!) and so right now, much as it annoys me, my focus is on getting ready instead of exercise. I guess that means a gain this week, but oh well. I can concentrate on my weight loss efforts when I don’t have to worry about cleaning or packing anymore.

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) To be honest, not a lot. My computer crashed, so I didn’t track this week and I didn’t really eat that well and I didn’t exercise or get a lot of sleep…

What I Can Improve On:

1) Basically everything: tracking, eating right, exercising, getting more sleep, drinking more liquids etc. I am looking forward to not being so stressed!

How I Feel:

Stressed!!! I am annoyed that my weight loss has basically been stagnant for a month but it’s not a top priority for me right now, so oh well!

Progress Update – as of February 12, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 292.6 lbs
Loss: 1.4 lbs
Current BMI: 45.8
Loss: 0.2

So this week I am back on the losing track and I couldn’t be happier! I’ll be honest though, getting back into working out was tough. There were days when I really really did not want to and sometimes my couch won out and I did not. I also had to slow down my workouts and not do as much as I was previously doing, because I discovered (to my dismay) that even though I was sick 3 weeks ago, my lungs are still not back to where they were. I could only do 15 minutes on the treadmill (as opposed to my usual 30) until they really started hurting, but that’s okay, it’s better than nothing and I’ll get back in slowly.

This is going to be a short post, since I have another one brewing that will be up later today or tomorrow, so here we go.

What I Did Really Well This Week: 

1) I have started my day with a piece of fruit every day and I am proud of that. I have really made an effort this week to get in more fruits and veggies and I think I did pretty well with that.

2) I got back to tracking my food, everything that I eat. I think tracking makes a big difference for me because so often I will pop something in my mouth and then without realizing, I’ve just eaten 500 calories without even thinking. Tracking makes me much more aware.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Exercise is my main goal this week, to get back into the routine that I had before. I am going to take it easy because my lungs are still feeling tired from my illness, but even if I can just do 15 minutes or just do weights or something, at least it’s something.

How I Feel:

A little frustrated that I can’t jump right back into the exercise routine that I was doing, but otherwise I feel pretty good about things. I am stressed out, but I think I have been handling it pretty well, so that’s good. I just have to keep working towards my goals and think ahead and not let the stress of the moment allow me to inhale a bag of chips or something like that.

Progress Update – as of February 5, 2014

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 294.0 lbs
Gain: 3.9 lbs
Current BMI: 46.0
Gain: 0.6
Bust: 50 in.
Waist: 56 in.
Hips: 51.5 in.
Pants/Dress Size: 18

Hello readers,

My apologies for my tardiness in this post. As I have mentioned previously, in passing, (or at least I think I did!) I am moving to New Zealand in approximately 3 1/2 weeks and it is seriously stressing me out. I have so much to do before I go and life is kicking my butt right now. If I didn’t need sleep I would be in great shape, but unfortunately…

Also unfortunate is that I gained weight. Annoying, yes, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected. I was ill from the 25th to the 30th, then I was away from the 31st to the 7th, so my exercise routine was non-existent in that time period. I could have worked out when I was away, but at that point I had kind of fallen out of the habit, so I honestly wasn’t all that motivated to work out. My bad, I know.

I did eat fairly well in the week that I was away, but given that I had been existing on chicken soup and juice the week before when I was ill, I assumed that most of the weight I lost was water weight and that it would come back as soon as I started eating real food again. I was right. And I was with my aunt and grandmother, who are both excellent bakers, so I may have overindulged in some goodies like cake and cookies and fudge while I was away. However, it’s a new week and I am determined to see a loss next week!

As of the start of this blog, my net loss is 7.8 lbs. Not as high as I wanted, but it’s still a loss, so yay me. January was pretty good to me and I’m hoping that February will be the same.

My measurements have not changed, but it’s okay, we’re getting there!

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) I ate more fruit, especially in the mornings, and I ate breakfast every morning. My grandmother is an early riser, as is my aunt, so I was up early every morning while I was gone and I had a healthy breakfast every day, usually consisting of fruit, oatmeal or toast, and a glass of milk.

2) I drank a lot of liquids (my grandma is really into tea, so she drinks several cups a day and we always joined her) which is good, because when I am not exercising I usually do not drink as much liquid as I should.

3) I got a lot of sleep. Back at my place, I usually stay up as long as I want to. My grandmother’s apartment is small and she and my aunt go to bed early, so I went to bed when they did because watching TV or something like that would keep them awake. It was good though, I never get enough sleep.

What I Can Improve On:

1) I haven’t exercised for about 2 weeks, so I really need to get back on that wagon. When you’re really busy, it’s so easy to push exercise to the side, but I love how it makes me feel so I really want to make time for myself during the day to exercise and stay on track.

2) I also didn’t really track my food intake while I was sick or while I was away, so I need to get back into the habit of doing that. I did eat pretty well while I was away, but I still think that it’s a good idea for me to write down what I eat so that I can make sure that I’m not overdoing a certain food group and to make sure that I’m getting enough fruits and vegetables.

How I Feel:

Right now, I honestly just feel really, really stressed. I have so much organizing and sorting and packing to do and it is really making me feel a bit overwhelmed at this point. I do feel like I am still on the right path towards weight loss, but when I get stressed out I tend to not exercise (which, ironically, helps with stress) and I tend to eat emotionally, so I really need to keep that in check.

Anyway, happy weight loss to all and let’s hope that next week is better!