Progress Update – May 28, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 316.7 lbs
Gain: 4.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.6
Gain: 0.7

I won’t lie, I’m extremely disappointed this week. More than I have been in a long time.

I really thought that I would lose weight in New York. We started our days at 9:00 am and didn’t get back to the hotel until 9:00 each night, sometimes later. We walked almost the entire time we were there, the only time we really sat down was to eat lunch or have coffee or for the occasional break when my feet just couldn’t take it anymore. So, needless to say, I’m surprised.

I really thought I tried to watch what I ate this week. For sure, I indulged in some things (NY cheesecake was a highlight!) and I didn’t eat as many vegetables or fruits as I normally would, but I don’t think that I went crazy, so I’m really confused. I thought I would at least maintain, if not lose, so I’m really quite baffled that I gained so much.

Maybe some of it’s muscle? Water retention? I don’t know. Bodies are sometimes weird. Anyway, I’ll try not to stress about it.

I think I mentioned awhile ago that I signed up for a weight-loss program that my doctor referred me to. I am supposed to start sessions with a personal trainer in a couple of weeks (1.5 hours a week for 12 weeks), so I’m looking forward to that! I would like to use the machines at the gym but I don’t know how any of them work and I’m afraid that I’ll look stupid. I know that’s dumb, but I find those athletic types very intimidating and I feel like they’re judging me for being there, like I don’t belong. I’m sure they’re not thinking anything of the sort and that they’re concentrating on their own workouts, but I can’t help but feel self-conscious.

Hopefully this week is better, onwards and upwards! Cheers, happy losing!

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Progress Update – as of May 14, 2016

 

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.5 lbs
Loss: 1.0 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.2

Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 58 inches
Gain: 1 inch
Hips: 56 inches
Loss: 1 inch

So, not a lot of change, but down is better than up! Although I’m a little confused about how my waist can be bigger. Bloating, perhaps?

Anyway, the past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a whirlwind, to say the least, which is why I didn’t update.

Firstly, I somehow managed to pull a pelvic ligament. I have no idea how I did it. I went to the doctor because my lower right abdomen was hurting quite badly, so I thought “uh oh…appendicitis?” but, thankfully, it wasn’t that serious. Still, it was annoying!

Secondly, one of my childhood dogs died really suddenly, which was horrifically sad. I honestly have no idea what happened, she was healthy and acted like her normal self right up until she died. My dad found her lying on the ground, trying to get up, but she couldn’t and she passed away very quickly. I’m assuming that it was a heart attack or a stroke or something like that. She was a beautiful dog and I miss her very much, last week was a very sad one.

I won’t be doing an entry this weekend, because I won’t have access to a scale. Why, you ask? Because I’m going to NEW YORK CITY! I’ve never been, but I’m extremely excited! Frankly, life has been a little crazy lately, what with my dog’s death and some drama happening at work (oh, workplace drama!), so I am very happy to get away for a bit. Plus, I’m excited to go to a place where I will get in a lot of activity. The friend that I’m going with is a runner (that crazy woman!), so no doubt we will be hoofing it a lot of places, but that’s good. I’ve been wearing a pedometer pretty consistently for the last month or so, so I’m interested to see just how many steps I can rack up.

I’m also considering going to Philadelphia and/or Washington, D.C. for a day! There is so much history in the U.S., I’m really excited to see some places I’ve never been.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of April 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 319.9 lbs
Gain: 4.3 lbs
Current BMI: 50.1
Gain: 0.7

Well.

I’m baffled, to say the least. I went for a 30 minute walk every single day this week. I wore a pedometer. I made really good food choices.

Could I have gained muscle? It’s possible, I know that’s one reason why someone’s weight can initially go up when they start working out, but it’s not possible to gain almost 5 lbs of muscle, in a week, just by walking. I can only assume that my body just went into shock, since I’ve been sedentary for so long, and tried to hold onto the fat or something like that. Same reason why people plateau.

Anyway, I don’t know, but I’m trying not to worry about it. I was active this week and that is the most important thing.Onwards and upwards.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 19, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Gain: 0.2

Up again! Goodness, I am on quite the roller coaster here. I’m not surprised though, this past week I was working on a theatre show that opened on Thursday, so I was at the theatre basically every single day for hours. I did try to plan my meals and to take snacks and such with me, but I was so tired every evening that this did not always happen.

I have also been sick for two weeks with a terrible chest cold. Because I have been busy I haven’t been getting adequate rest, which is likely why I’ve been unable to get rid of it. And I haven’t been exercising, mostly because of how busy and tired I have been, and because I’ve been coughing so much.

But I’m done! The show is done, months and months of prep and stress is over. Now, I want to focus on myself. On getting to a good place, physically and mentally, instead of worrying about everyone else all the time or expending my energy on other people.

Here’s to a good week! Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.1 lbs
Loss: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.4

Yay, we’re down again! Truthfully, I think this is likely because I was sick and not through much effort on my part, but hey, it’s all good.

I have some VERY exciting news to share! I recently went for my annual physical (although it’s not quite annual since I haven’t had one since 2014) and my doctor expressed concern that my weight had gone up since she last saw me. Since I have a chronic disease called poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) and it can become worse with weight gain (as well as cause weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight, hurray!) she wanted to address it.

She put me on a program through my healthcare system that pairs me up with a nurse who specializes in weight management. When I met with this nurse, Julie, the next week, she explained it to me. Basically, it’s a program that’s designed to be completed in six months. In those six months, I will attend sessions about things like emotional eating, nutrition, managing cravings, how to cut down on sugar etc. AND I will also be assigned a trainer who I will meet with once a week for 12 weeks to develop an exercise regimen. And, best of all, it’s FREE. (Thank you Canadian healthcare!)

I’m so excited. I had been toying with the idea of getting a trainer for a long time but I balked at the cost. I had no idea this program even existed, so the idea that I can get such incredible, professional support and help for free is just amazing to me.

I feel like I’ve fallen off track, spiritually. I was bogged down by anxiety and depression and I worried too much about what other people think about me, I invested so many time and energy into their emotions and feelings that I left nothing for myself, so I was unhappy and very drained. But I’ve decided, it’s time for ME. I’m young, I have no dependents, so now is the best time for me to reconnect with myself and focus on my own needs. I have enrolled in yoga, meditation and knitting classes, I’m planning a trip to Asia in May and now I’m starting this new weight loss program and I am unbelievably excited! 2016 is shaping up to be pretty wonderful!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of February 6 and 13, 2016

Height: 5’7″

February 6, 2016
Current Weight: 311.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.8
Gain: 0.2
Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 57.5 inches (+ 1.5 inches)
Hips: 56 inches

February 13, 2016
Current Weight: 313.0 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.0
Gain: 0.2

So, I’m up again. I’m not surprised, this week I was so incredibly busy, I feel like I didn’t have a second to myself. I had commitments every single night, several of which included dinners. I didn’t really cook at all this week, I bought my lunch a lot because I got home so late every night, so it’s completely my fault. Oh well.

I supposedly added 1.5 inches to my waist, but I’m not entirely sure if I believe my measurements, I find it’s very difficult to hold the actual measuring tape the same way every time, so for that small a different, I’m not worried.

I had a good and bad week this week. I was still feeling pretty lost and down in the dumps, but a friend of mine did a tarot card reading for me on Monday. I don’t really believe in any of that stuff, but it was still kind of fun. She has been through depression too and she keeps trying to remind me, whenever I’m feeling down, to banish the negative self-talk. It’s something that I’ve done for years, so it’s very difficult to do, but I am trying.

I also had a really wonderful talk with a friend of mine. He got angry with me the other day for being so negative about myself, so he asked me to come over so we could talk about it, which was so nice. He wanted me to know that he was there for me and that I’m not alone and that just because this one man rejected me doesn’t mean that I have nothing to offer or that I am not worthy of love. It seems obvious, but sometimes it’s really hard to believe that I am a person of worth.

I’m not going to list my goals on here anymore, I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to change too many things at once. I mentioned this in my last post, but I’m a very “all for nothing” kind of person and I find it really hard to forgive myself when I make mistakes. So I’m just going for the simple approach this week and doing my best to live a healthy lifestyle: drinking water, eating as healthy as I can, trying to get in 10,000 steps a day and trying to get lots of sleep. And, most importantly, learning to forgive myself!

Cheers, happy losing!

 

Progress Update – as of January 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 308.2 lbs
Loss: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 48.3
Loss: 0.2

So, we’re down again, hurray! It isn’t really anything to do with me though. I didn’t exercise this week, I was too depressed. I know that exercise is actually one of the best things that you can do for depression, but it’s hard to remember that when you’re lying in bed wishing you could just disappear.

I got a lot of sleep, I guess that’s something. But it’s mostly because, as soon as I got home from work every day, I went to bed. I honestly didn’t feel like doing anything else. I don’t think it was healthy, necessarily, but it’s what I needed this week and I figured I would give myself a few days.

Otherwise, I didn’t really take care of myself. I hardly ate because food made me nauseated and I didn’t exercise or drink enough water and as soon as I got home I was in my pajamas.

I am trying very hard. Unfortunately, though, mental illness is a really difficult thing to handle and sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to do nothing. I don’t think it’s healthy to do that all the time, I think that it’s important to go through the motions until they have meaning again, but for a few days it’s okay to just let yourself do what you need to do. I was able to get up and get dressed and go to work, which I think was a pretty amazing accomplishment, considering how terrible I felt, so at least that’s something.

I’m slowly getting over my heartbreak. It doesn’t physically hurt so much, but it will take a long time to actually get over it. I am proud of myself though, I did not fall back into my terrible emotional eating habits, I really did try to make good choices, despite feeling so crappy. (Well, that is to say I made good choices when I actually ate, which wasn’t all the time.) I’m hoping that getting into an exercise routine will help even more.

Cheers, happy losing!