Progress Update – as of April 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 319.9 lbs
Gain: 4.3 lbs
Current BMI: 50.1
Gain: 0.7

Well.

I’m baffled, to say the least. I went for a 30 minute walk every single day this week. I wore a pedometer. I made really good food choices.

Could I have gained muscle? It’s possible, I know that’s one reason why someone’s weight can initially go up when they start working out, but it’s not possible to gain almost 5 lbs of muscle, in a week, just by walking. I can only assume that my body just went into shock, since I’ve been sedentary for so long, and tried to hold onto the fat or something like that. Same reason why people plateau.

Anyway, I don’t know, but I’m trying not to worry about it. I was active this week and that is the most important thing.Onwards and upwards.

Cheers, happy losing!

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Progress Update – as of November 15, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 305.2 lbs
Gain: 2.7 lbs
Current BMI: 47.8
Gain: 0.4

So, I’m up again this week. But it’s okay, I forgive myself, I had a rough week, personally.

I wrote my latest blog post in the wee hours of Saturday morning, when I was feeling particularly low. Honestly, since I wrote it, I feel much better, much more confident. I think writing it down helped, I had been holding it in for so long that it was driving me crazy. It’s still going to be a struggle, I’m sure, but I have some hope again. I can do this, I know I can.

I’ve decided to abandon the formal “What I Did/Didn’t Do Well This Week” format that I’d been doing previously. I think it’s easier for me to just write how I’m feeling, instead of trying to categorize things.

I did try to make healthy choices this week, but I ate out for lunch a lot. I just found it really hard, when I got home from work, to find the energy to make lunch, all I wanted to do was go to bed. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of healthy choices near my workplace. There are two restaurants, one of which is a diner and one of which is a pub, neither of which have many healthy choices. This week, I’m trying to change that.

I’ve been doing pretty well with snack choices though, eating lots of fruits and veggies and healthy fats (like nuts) throughout the day. I do need to drink more water though, I’m definitely falling short in that aspect. I think probably drinking more water (along with getting more sleep) is going to help me beat my chronic fatigue.

Exercise is key too. I just need to schedule appointments with myself to exercise. I need it for weight loss, obviously, but I really think that I need it for my mental health too. To stay focused and on track and to keep my head above water. Here’s to a good week!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of November 8, 2015

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 302.5 lbs
Gain: 4.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.4
Gain: 0.7 lbs

So, we’re up this week. I’m not surprised. I tried really hard to track, but for whatever reason last week I ate out a lot. It’s very hard to make good choices at restaurants, it seems, so many dishes that you think wouldn’t be that bad, like sandwiches, can be super high in fat and calories. Unfortunate. I’m disappointed, but I’m not giving up.

To tell you the truth, I’m struggling. I really wanted to exercise this week, but I’m exhausted. I have been trying really hard for the past few weeks, but my depression is really getting to me. It’s so hard to get up in the morning and when I get home from work, I’m so exhausted that all I want to do is lie down. I know logically that exercise help with depression and will give me more energy, but it’s so hard to find the motivation to do it. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale makes me realize that I have to exercise to get where I want to go, but it’s also so discouraging.

I am trying really hard to eat more fruits and vegetables. I often am starving when I get home, so I’m hoping that snacking on fruits and veggies at work will help me to make good choices when I get home and take the time to prepare something healthy. I’ve also thought about investing in a slow cooker, but I’m worried about leaving it on while I’m at work. I know they’re designed to do that, but it makes me nervous. Does anyone have experience with a slow cooker? Let me know in the comments!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of October 25, 2015

Well. I’ve been really bad about updating this blog, haven’t I? Really, really bad. A lot – a LOT – has happened in the past two months.

  1. I moved. It was extremely stressful and, unfortunately, I found myself eating out a lot.
  2. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, put on medication and I started counselling. I have struggling with anxiety and depression for the past 17 years. That’s a long time to struggle, a very long time. I have been in counselling before, but this is my first time on medication. I was reluctant to go on medication, but this move triggered so much anxiety that I’m thankful that I am. Now that I’m not so stressed, hopefully I can get back to focusing on eating healthy and exercising.
  3. I started dance class. Full disclosure: I hate most exercise. Put me on a treadmill for half an hour? Utter torture. But put me in a dance class for three hours, I am happy as a clam. I also love to swim, so I’d like to swim on the days that I don’t dance, but I haven’t done that yet.

The last change, the biggest change, is that I am starting to accept myself as I am. To embrace how I look, right now, and to feel good about myself. I wanted, for a long time, to be a professional actress, but that always seemed like such a faraway goal, due to my weight. I started gaining weight when I was about 12, due to my condition, which is polycystic ovary syndrome, which can cause weight gain. Now, I did not gain weight solely because of this condition, I definitely had a hand in it myself, but it certainly didn’t help. So, for years and years, I have hated myself. I have tried so hard to lose weight to achieve this goal of being an actress, but every time I failed, I got so discouraged.

I realized earlier this year that acting is not for me. I’d gone on audition after audition, getting nothing, and I realized one day that I wasn’t having fun anymore. So, I decided to leave that behind and change my entire career. It is incredible how this decision has changed my life. While I still want to lose weight, I no longer feel the need to be Hollywood-skinny. I am happy to lose weight to be healthier and happier, and admittedly, so that I can feel better about how I look, but now I am beginning to appreciate that bodies come in all shapes and sizes and that I do not have to fit into a box to feel confident and attractive and amazing.

Take Adele, for instance. I have no idea how much Adele weighs, but she’s clearly a bigger woman and I think she’s absolutely stunning. She is not skinny, far from it, but she is beautiful and confident. That is what I want, so that’s part of my major goal at this point in my life, to accept myself as I am and feel good about it. Now, let’s crunch numbers:

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 301.1 lbs
Current BMI: 47.2
Bust: 51 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Hips: 53 inches

I’ve also decided to start taking photographs of my progress. I think this will help me, not only to have visual documentation, but also to try to appreciate the way that I look and learn to love myself, no matter what I see in the mirror. It’s scary, but here we go.

October 25, 2015 - Side October 25, 2015 - Arm October 25, 2015 -

Cheers and happy losing!!!

Update – I’m Baaaaaack!

Hello friends,

Apologies for the long hiatus. I’ve just had a crazy few months and finally (FINALLY!) I get a break. I’m still working full-time, but I’ve taken a break from extra-curriculars over the summer, so I’m not rushing around after work trying to do a million different things. I’m one of those people who loves being busy, but I often find that I bite off more than I can chew and I get burned out, which is what happened over the last little while. A break is most welcome.

I wasn’t really doing that well with food and exercise, to be honest. In early June, I really got on a good track, but then I donated blood. I was approved to donate, but I must have just barely met the criteria because I felt dizzy for two weeks afterward. I didn’t go to the doctor, like a moron, and it appears to have resolved itself, but I could barely walk down the street, let alone workout, so that kind of flew out the window.

However, I am happy to say that over the past two weeks, since I’ve been feeling normal, I have really overhauled my life. And I don’t just mean exercise. I made a series of decisions lately which essentially mean that I’ve scrapped my entire career path and I will be starting from scratch, going back to school next year. It’s a little scary to be starting over, but I was pretty miserable in my previous career path and, for some reason, a couple of months ago it just clicked that DUH, I should change something. So I’m working in a field right now that is totally unrelated to my first degree and I’ll be returning – as I said – to school in September 2016.

ANYWAY, this change has led to some other positive changes: I chopped my hair off (it’s not a pixie cut, but it’s pretty short, certainly the shortest I’ve ever had it in my life – but I LOVE it), I have eliminated coffee from my diet (I literally would have 2-3 shots of espresso in my latte every morning, bad idea!), I have eliminated fast food and I have almost completely cut out sugar, I have started drinking a LOT more water, I have eliminated soda completely and I’ve started drinking green smoothies every morning (usually consisting of yogurt, spinach and/or kale, a banana and some frozen fruit like mixed berries or pineapple). I’m still not quite getting enough sleep, but I am working on that too! I have lost 15 lbs in the past three weeks and I’m THRILLED about that. I feel great. I really, really do.

Updated Statistics:

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 301.8 lbs
Current BMI: 47.3

Here’s to the continuation of my journey!

Progress Update – as of June 26, 2014 and July 3, 2014

Height: 5’7″

June 26:
Current Weight: 289.2 lbs
Gain: 2.2 lbs
Current BMI: 45.3
Gain: 0.4

July 3:
Current Weight: 289.2 lbs
Loss: 0 lbs
Current BMI: 45.3
Loss: 0

Uh, so I’m a ding dong. I definitely thought that I posted this, but I only saved it in drafts. Oops! Anyway…

So over the last couple of weeks I have gained a couple of pounds. The first weight gain was honestly kind of a shocker, I thought I had done really well that week and so when I got on the scale and had gained 2 lbs I was really quite thrown. But oh well, what are you going to do? All I could do was keep going.

When I weighed myself today, I was honestly surprised that I didn’t gain any weight. I was away at a family reunion for the weekend. Naturally, reunions mean food and, given how big my family is, LOTS of it. I did as well as could in terms of choosing healthy foods over the weekend (I was also at a rodeo) but it was rather difficult, so I was really surprised that I didn’t see a gain. I also didn’t really exercise at all, I came down with a terrible head cold and was just feeling pretty horrific.

What I Did Well This Week:

1) I worked really hard at making good choices, food wise. I am honest to goodness addicted to sugar. I really am. So this week, I tried very, very hard to limit my sugar intake and to focus instead of eating more fruits and vegetables.

What I Can Improve On:

1) Exercise, mainly. There is definitely room for improvement in my diet, but at this point in time I think that I really need to focus on fitting exercise in. Some people can lose weight just by changing their diet, but I personally find that exercise is vital for me to lose. Plus it means that I can get away with eating more food 😉

How I Feel:

Pretty good, to be honest. I am finding it easier to make good choices with food these days. I still most definitely get cravings and sometimes I find it difficult to not have ALL the ice cream, but the deafening roar that used to demand that I stuff my face is slowly being silenced. And the good angel on my shoulder encouraging me to eat good food is definitely making a great case. I am looking forward to my next weigh-in! (Who even says that? I’m such a weirdo.)

Progress Update – May 5 and 12, 2014

Height: 5’7”
Bust: 49 in.
Waist: 54 in.
Hips: 50 in.

Sorry for the delay in posts, but I have been travelling around again and so once again, I have not had consistent access to wifi or a scale. But I’m doing what I can!! 

What I Did Really Well This Week:

1) Well I have been walking around more, so that’s a plus. Still not as much as before though, especially since a lot of the things that I was travelling around seeing were too far to walk. But doing what I could!

What I Can Improve On:

1) Eating. I did okay this week, I think, but there is certainly a lot of room for improvement. I bought fruit and yogurt and good bread and milk, so I was doing that, and then I stayed at my cousin’s place for a couple of days and had lots of veggies and such, but on the road trips that I took I think I indulged in a few too many cookies. Oops. Better luck next time!

How I Feel:

I am feeling pretty good, but I am getting very, very sick of surviving on toast, sandwiches, fruit and yogurt. Thankfully, after Thursday, I will be staying with friends and relatives until I return home (which will be in early June, change of plans) and so I will finally be able to COOK, really cook. I haven’t done that in a hostel thus far because I can’t shake the distrust I have towards other people’s dishwashing skills. It just skeeves me out. So I am looking forward to making healthy meals when I have access to a kitchen (3 days and counting!), huzzah.

Until then, adieu.