Progress Update – as of June 4, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 309.4 lbs
Loss: 7.3 lbs
Current BMI: 48.5
Loss: 1.1

Bust: 52 inches
Waist: 57 inches
Loss: 1 inch
Hips: 55 inches
Loss: 1 inch

Wahoo! That is what I’m talking about. We are TEN POUNDS AWAY from the 200s people! TEN POUNDS! I don’t really look any different (yet) but who cares? That’s an accomplishment!

So, I did something the other day that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time: I renewed my gym membership! The “gym” that I’m referring to is a little different because it’s not actually a gym, it’s a recreation centre in my hometown. There are weight machines, treadmills, rowing machines, bikes, free weights, a track, a swimming pool, a skating rink, ellipticals and stair steppers, plus other equipment like resistance bands, foam rollers etc. What’s also nice about it is that this rec centre has an agreement with the other ones in the area, meaning that I can go hiking, cross-country skiing, swimming (at a different pool), ice skating or that I can utilize other gyms in the area, should I choose.

I don’t really know what I’m doing on the weight machines and I am intimidated by the other people there. However, I got one of the personal trainers who works/supervises there to give me a little tutorial of the gym and what the machines do, so I feel more comfortable. I am intimidated because everybody who was there when I was there was SO FIT. Huge muscles, people who obviously work out all the time. I just feel like a big fat slob next to those people. I know I shouldn’t, I know that I should be proud of myself for trying to better my life and that, truthfully, they’re likely not even paying attention to me at all, but I can’t help feel like they’re sitting there, laughing at that fat girl in the corner who doesn’t know what she’s doing.

But WHO CARES. I’m trying to think that way. I’m at the gym for me, to get healthy and change my life, so I really shouldn’t care.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – May 28, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 316.7 lbs
Gain: 4.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.6
Gain: 0.7

I won’t lie, I’m extremely disappointed this week. More than I have been in a long time.

I really thought that I would lose weight in New York. We started our days at 9:00 am and didn’t get back to the hotel until 9:00 each night, sometimes later. We walked almost the entire time we were there, the only time we really sat down was to eat lunch or have coffee or for the occasional break when my feet just couldn’t take it anymore. So, needless to say, I’m surprised.

I really thought I tried to watch what I ate this week. For sure, I indulged in some things (NY cheesecake was a highlight!) and I didn’t eat as many vegetables or fruits as I normally would, but I don’t think that I went crazy, so I’m really confused. I thought I would at least maintain, if not lose, so I’m really quite baffled that I gained so much.

Maybe some of it’s muscle? Water retention? I don’t know. Bodies are sometimes weird. Anyway, I’ll try not to stress about it.

I think I mentioned awhile ago that I signed up for a weight-loss program that my doctor referred me to. I am supposed to start sessions with a personal trainer in a couple of weeks (1.5 hours a week for 12 weeks), so I’m looking forward to that! I would like to use the machines at the gym but I don’t know how any of them work and I’m afraid that I’ll look stupid. I know that’s dumb, but I find those athletic types very intimidating and I feel like they’re judging me for being there, like I don’t belong. I’m sure they’re not thinking anything of the sort and that they’re concentrating on their own workouts, but I can’t help but feel self-conscious.

Hopefully this week is better, onwards and upwards! Cheers, happy losing!

I’m hoooome!

Well.

New York is CRAZY. I enjoyed it, but I am absolutely, without a doubt NOT a city person by any means. I grew up on an acreage and when I was younger, I thought I wanted to live in some big city, but I have learned over the years that I am not suited for that lifestyle at all.

I walked a LOT. We’re talking 8 hours a day for 6 days. A LOT. My poor feet and legs are still aching and I’m totally exhausted. Update tomorrow!

Progress Update – as of April 30, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.5 lbs
Loss: 6.4 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Loss: 1.0

Now that’s what I’m talking about!

I actually think last week was a fluke. Normally, I weigh myself in my basement, on the cement floor, because that’s where my exercise equipment is. I recently moved my scale to my bathroom and, when I weighed myself this morning, it initially said 323.6 lbs, which meant another almost 4 lb gain.

I was baffled. I could not understand what was going on and why I was gaining weight like crazy, despite eating well and exercising. However, I noticed the teeniest little wobble on the scale. Following a hunch, I moved it to the kitchen and, lo and behold, the scale revealed 313.5 lbs when I weighed myself. I weighed myself four more times just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. So, I’m guessing that my bathroom floor is just the tiniest bit uneven. I can’t go back in time to weigh myself last week, but I’m assuming that the reported weight gain wasn’t accurate. However, no matter, it’s all fixed now!

I also made an amazing discovery this week. Last Saturday (April 23rd) I went axe throwing with some friends (which is awesome, by the way!) and afterwards, we went out to a restaurant called Boston Pizza to eat. Boston Pizza is a Canadian-only chain, I believe. Anyway, while I love BP’s (as it is affectionately called), there is not a lot on their menu that isn’t extremely high in calories and fat. At least that’s what I thought, until I checked out some of the foods on the Weight Watchers app. (FYI: I recently rejoined Weight Watchers. It’s not a perfect program, by any means, but they have changed it a lot in the past year and I think it’s the best it’s ever been, now it takes more information into account to really help WW members to make the healthiest choices, unlike on the last program, when a can of Coca-Cola and a cup of chocolate milk were the same points value.)

Anyway, there is a pizza from Boston Pizza that I absolutely love, called the Spicy Perogy pizza. It’s basically cheese, sour cream, bacon, green onions and spicy potatoes. I live in Alberta, which has a huge Ukrainian population, so I’ve grown up eating perogies and I’m obsessed. A normal individual-sized one of these pizzas would run you 26 points. To put that in context, I have 54 points per day. So, basically, half of my daily points on one little pizza. However, in the app, I learned that simply by making this pizza thin crust, it suddenly drops down to 15 points. It’s still a lot in the course of a day, sure, but it means that when I go out with my friends to BP’s, as happens often, I have a much healthier choice available to me than almost anything else on the menu, and I can enjoy one of my favourite foods without feeling guilty. That was an amazing feeling.

I’ve been walking a lot (30 minutes a day, 5 days a week usually), which feels great, I am really enjoying it. I’m hoping to start incorporating weights into my routine this week, then swimming, because I adore swimming. It’s been really gorgeous here, Alberta has had a very nice spring, so it’s nice to get outside. I’m feeling good.

Cheers, happy losing!

 

Progress Update – as of April 23, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 319.9 lbs
Gain: 4.3 lbs
Current BMI: 50.1
Gain: 0.7

Well.

I’m baffled, to say the least. I went for a 30 minute walk every single day this week. I wore a pedometer. I made really good food choices.

Could I have gained muscle? It’s possible, I know that’s one reason why someone’s weight can initially go up when they start working out, but it’s not possible to gain almost 5 lbs of muscle, in a week, just by walking. I can only assume that my body just went into shock, since I’ve been sedentary for so long, and tried to hold onto the fat or something like that. Same reason why people plateau.

Anyway, I don’t know, but I’m trying not to worry about it. I was active this week and that is the most important thing.Onwards and upwards.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of April 16, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Weight: 315.6 lbs
Gain: 2.3 lbs
BMI: 49.4
Gain: 0.3
Hips: 52 inches
Loss: 1 inch
Waist: 57 inches
Gain: 1 inch
Hips: 57 inches
Gain: 1 inch

Oops, I did it again! Missed a few weeks, I mean. It’s been kind of crazy around here, actually. Just a lot of things going on and I have caught the spring cleaning bug, so I’m crossing things off my To Do list like crazy. A great feeling!

I started my weight loss program and it makes me really excited. I’ve mentioned it before but, just to recap, the program is called Why Wait? and it’s designed for people who are trying to lose weight but can’t seem to do it alone. I was referred to it by my doctor, who was concerned. The program is six months long. You are assigned a coach – either a nurse or a dietitian – that you meet with initially, then for the next six months. You are required to take several classes on nutrition, emotional eating, exercise etc. and then you’re assigned a personal trainer who helps you to get an exercise routine and teaches you proper form with body-weight exercises and how to use the weight machines and all of that. The classes have been excellent so far, I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve also started wearing a pedometer. One of the things that stood out to me the most from my classes was that weight honestly does not matter. It doesn’t. It is more important to get 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week and to limit the amount of time you spend sitting than to lose weight. This blew my mind. I want to lose weight for aesthetic purposes, but an obese or overweight person who gets 150 minutes of exercise a week is actually less likely to get cardiovascular disease than someone of normal weight who doesn’t exercise. Seriously. People always go on and on about “fat is bad” but really, inactivity is worse. So anyway, I’m wearing a pedometer now to track my steps. I’ve also started walking a lunch with a coworker, we usually walk about half an hour every day. It’s lovely to get out of the office because the weather here is beautiful now, plus it means that I get at least some activity in my day, regardless of how busy I am after work.

Lastly, I am back on Weight Watchers. They had a really good deal recently where you can save a bunch of money (more than $100) by signing up for six months in advance. I am not 100% on board with Weight Watchers BUT they have changed their program for 2016 and I think it’s more scientifically sound now, plus it’s still a good way for me to keep track of what I’m eating and be aware of what I’m putting in my body.

So, I’m feeling hopeful!

Cheers, happy losing!

 

 

Progress Update – as of March 26, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.3 lbs
Loss: 0.5 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Loss: 0

So, down again! Once again, this likely wasn’t because of me. I did try to eat well, but I didn’t exercise, I just found that I was so incredibly tired this week, I was still recovering from my crazy hectic few weeks.

But it’s all good! I’ve made myself a schedule where I actually have an allotted time for exercise, instead of “I’ll do it later”, because usually when I saw that, “later” never comes. I want to start swimming. I got into a decent habit of swimming rather frequently a little over a year ago, but then I got my current job and my schedule changed a lot. I love swimming, it works your whole body but it doesn’t feel like work at all, to me it’s just a lot of fun. So hopefully I can get myself into a good pattern. We shall see!

I don’t have much else to say, life has been a bit of a whirlwind as of late, so we shall update in April.

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 19, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 313.8 lbs
Gain: 1.2 lbs
Current BMI: 49.1
Gain: 0.2

Up again! Goodness, I am on quite the roller coaster here. I’m not surprised though, this past week I was working on a theatre show that opened on Thursday, so I was at the theatre basically every single day for hours. I did try to plan my meals and to take snacks and such with me, but I was so tired every evening that this did not always happen.

I have also been sick for two weeks with a terrible chest cold. Because I have been busy I haven’t been getting adequate rest, which is likely why I’ve been unable to get rid of it. And I haven’t been exercising, mostly because of how busy and tired I have been, and because I’ve been coughing so much.

But I’m done! The show is done, months and months of prep and stress is over. Now, I want to focus on myself. On getting to a good place, physically and mentally, instead of worrying about everyone else all the time or expending my energy on other people.

Here’s to a good week! Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 12, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 312.1 lbs
Loss: 2.5 lbs
Current BMI: 48.9
Loss: 0.4

Yay, we’re down again! Truthfully, I think this is likely because I was sick and not through much effort on my part, but hey, it’s all good.

I have some VERY exciting news to share! I recently went for my annual physical (although it’s not quite annual since I haven’t had one since 2014) and my doctor expressed concern that my weight had gone up since she last saw me. Since I have a chronic disease called poly-cystic ovary syndrome (PCOS for short) and it can become worse with weight gain (as well as cause weight gain and make it difficult to lose weight, hurray!) she wanted to address it.

She put me on a program through my healthcare system that pairs me up with a nurse who specializes in weight management. When I met with this nurse, Julie, the next week, she explained it to me. Basically, it’s a program that’s designed to be completed in six months. In those six months, I will attend sessions about things like emotional eating, nutrition, managing cravings, how to cut down on sugar etc. AND I will also be assigned a trainer who I will meet with once a week for 12 weeks to develop an exercise regimen. And, best of all, it’s FREE. (Thank you Canadian healthcare!)

I’m so excited. I had been toying with the idea of getting a trainer for a long time but I balked at the cost. I had no idea this program even existed, so the idea that I can get such incredible, professional support and help for free is just amazing to me.

I feel like I’ve fallen off track, spiritually. I was bogged down by anxiety and depression and I worried too much about what other people think about me, I invested so many time and energy into their emotions and feelings that I left nothing for myself, so I was unhappy and very drained. But I’ve decided, it’s time for ME. I’m young, I have no dependents, so now is the best time for me to reconnect with myself and focus on my own needs. I have enrolled in yoga, meditation and knitting classes, I’m planning a trip to Asia in May and now I’m starting this new weight loss program and I am unbelievably excited! 2016 is shaping up to be pretty wonderful!

Cheers, happy losing!

Progress Update – as of March 5, 2016

Height: 5’7″
Current Weight: 314.6 lbs
Gain: 2.0 lbs
Current BMI: 49.3
Gain: 0.3
Bust: 53 inches
Gain: 1.0 inches
Waist: 56 inches
Loss: 1.5 inches
Hips: 56 inches

I feel like I’m living on a roller coaster, emotionally and physically. I’m up in pounds, but down in measurements, apparently. Although I generally take the measurements with a grain of salt, since I can never be sure if I’m measuring in the exact same spot every single time.

I am feeling really depressed and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I think I know why, though. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Here we go…

When I was 20, I was sexually assaulted at a party by someone that I knew, someone that I thought was my friend. It wasn’t rape, but there are other things you can do to someone. I was so shocked and scared that I didn’t know what to do, so as soon as he was done I just left the party and got in my car and cried.

I never told anyone. Not for 6 whole years. I pretended like it never happened. I blamed myself. “I shouldn’t have been alone with him. I should have been more clear that I didn’t want it. I should…I should…I should…” So many excuses. I made excuses for him: he didn’t know what he was doing, he must have thought I wanted it, he was really drunk. But it was not my fault. I did nothing to make him believe that I wanted his sexual attention and being drunk is not an excuse to take advantage of someone, especially when that person is clearly trying to get away from you.

I saw him, for the first time in 6 years, last August. I had succeeded in putting it out of my brain, for the most part (although my relationships with men have always been awful, which should have been a clue) but when I saw him, it all came flooding back. I started having nightmares and crying all the time and I think now I’m realizing that most of my weirdness has to do with the fact that I’ve never properly dealt with it.

Being assaulted made my body my enemy. I was overweight before this happened, but between then and now, I have gained 100 lbs. I have never let a man touch me since then. And I grew to hate my body, which is so incredibly sad.

This whole process has made me realize why I am the way I am and how I could get to this weight. I take responsibility for where I am, physically, I know that nobody forced me to eat the way I have, but there is a reason why I did and I think that I probably cannot get into a healthy mindset permanently until I deal with underlying issues.

The moral of the story? Talk about stuff. Don’t hold things inside. Get help.

Cheers, happy losing!